The Bodyguard - Chapter 58
Mar. 20th, 2015 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teamzaylor
Title: THE BODYGUARD
Chapter: 58
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: Language, Death, Crime
POV: Taylor
Chapter Overview: Link
About the Story: After the death of their parents, Taylor and Zac went their own way in life. Taylor became a superstar and never thought his chosen profession would bring danger into his life. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contently in the dark and dirty world as a pimp. Unexpected circumstances bring them together after almost a decade apart. How will they overcome the shadows of the past and move forward?
Special thanks: to
itztigress3 for the great help! ♡Authors Notes: Update Chapter 58! The next Chapter will be posted very soon. Enjoy ♡
previous Chapter 57 next Chapter 59
Taylor
The situation between Zac and I was becoming more insane the longer we were together. Zachary's indifference was a heavy burden. I didn't how to get him out of his way of life. We hadn't even been together three days and he had already beaten up a paparazzi, badly insulted a woman and he just shot a man dead on top of that. The thought of Zachary being dead was at the forefront of my thoughts when I heard the shot. The sound had cut right through me.
Santiago seemed to be a good and loyal friend to him but Zac's criminal way of life was discouraging and unsettling. If he continued living this way and keep this lifestyle, I doubt he will get reach his next birthday.
Since I had my strength back and left the awkwardness between us behind, I felt that I had to undertake responsibility for what was going on. Right now, I knew one thing for sure; I had to put an end of this insanity as soon as possible.
The longer we were together, the harder it was to think about an upcoming separation. It felt like we had met each other after so many years so that we could clarify and solve everything that burdened us from our past. Now that Zachary knew how much I cared for him, I felt that our time had to come to an end.
Zachary's way of life was not safe for him and my way of life wasn't currently safe either. But still, to see what was going to happen when Zachary worked for me was something I just couldn't allow. He looked horrible when he jumped into the car and drove us away from the bar. Blood was smeared all over his chin and the collar of his shirt.
I had no idea what happened, Zac and the guy must have had a chaotic argument before he killed him. I would never forget the look in Zachary's eyes when he came back. I've already had nightmares from that look. Even the scent of his blood barely impacted his senses.
He seemed to be on a direct path to destroying himself without caring what happened. The worst part of this was probably his self destructive personality and his I don't give a damn about anything attitude.
I had no idea if our separation would make anything better, but I had to put an end of this situation before the next time, where he could have been beaten worse or even killed.
To see the blood on Zac's face made me feel absolutely convinced that I couldn't let us proceed like this.
Zachary didn't seem to care if he got hurt or killed but I couldn't watch him proceed on this path! My lap was full of handkerchiefs that were soaked with blood from my little brother.
This insanity had to stop! It was about time to take the reins.
"Do you have any more injuries Zachary?" I asked genuinely concerned.
"I have a cut on my arm," he said, although his voice was sounding slightly different in a way.
"Why do you speak so weirdly?"
"I lost a lateral incisor." he whistled and exposed a gap, where his tooth was supposed to be as he looked at me.
"Stop the car!" I exclaimed.
"We are on the damn highway Taylor."
"You can stop the car for a short moment on the side of the road. From now on I accept responsibility and I want you to pull over now!"
Zachary steered the car to the side and slowed down. "You can drive the rest of the way Taylor, but stop saying that you accept responsibility if you don't mean it!"
He shot me an accusing look because of what I just said. Unlike him, my mind was scattered everywhere, so I hadn't really thought of what meaning my sayings would sound like for him. The incident had upset me. It was as if no rules or laws existed in Zac's lawlessly way of life.
"Sorry Zac. I just think we should drive to a doctor first. You need a check up."
"I don't need to go to a doctor Taylor. It's Saturday and they aren't open anyway."
"Then we should drive to a hospital!"
"Because of a lost tooth? It's not necessary Taylor. Really. You have dressing material at home with which I can treat the wound on my arm. It is not even a deep cut."
I was unsatisfied and irritated. I knew that Zachary had never been a whiner or sorrowful guy, but that he didn't want to tend to his injuries and that he seemed not to care about it was something I didn't like.
"Are you vaccinated against tetanus?"
Basically it was a stupid question 'cause when he served in the army he should have been vaccinated against a lot of things, but with Zac's indifference it wouldn't surprise me if he wasn't.
"Yeah. I'm a hundred percent vaccinated animal." He assured me, probably to soothe me. Somehow, Zac looked like a crazy pirate with his big dark tooth gap. He and Jack Sparrow had some similarities, they both had wild hair, and a big mouth which had no scruples to tell other people what they thought of them.
However, I could imagine that my parent in laws wouldn't like if I was late on the stipulated time but Zac's injuries had more priority to me.
"You will go directly to the dentist on Monday! Okay?!"
"If you think that makes anything better." He sighed. "What now? Do you not want to go home anymore?" He asked after bringing the car to a standstill.
"I will drive the rest of the way. Your arm is hurt."
"It's not that bad enough that I can't drive anymore!"
"I don't want you to drive with it anyway! I will drive us home and once we're home you will take an icepack to your cheek."
"If you think that changes anything. Do you feel strong enough to drive?"
"Yes I do. That'll go off all right." I nodded, trying to sound optimistically and climbed out of the car. The bloody wadded handkerchiefs fell out of my lap and I watched them fall into a ditch beside the road.
I couldn't see any more blood...
We changed our seats and I quickly drove us away before we would get a ticket. Yes I was feeling better and I knew that I needed my strength for the things that were ahead of me. Since Nat's mother Pam had called me I was struggling about how to explain what happened to their daughter, but not only that.
How do I explain to my parents and brother in law that the new bodyguard at my side was my little brother?
Aside from the awkwardness, they probably would believe that I had lost my sanity completely now. Especially when they see Zac standing by my side with a blood smeared shirt. His injuries made the decision for me even harder. I had no idea what they would think of me.
Maybe they would think they can ring the funny farm because of my carelessness. It was anything but easy to deal with.
But I couldn't run away from everything in life. I had to deal with the situation no matter how Nat's family dealt with it. 'Cause it was something that I owed Zachary, to show him that he was my brother no matter what his appearance was.
I didn't plan to tell the public about it and I trusted Nat's family enough that I knew they wouldn't tell the public about it either. I didn't want to draw Twink Twink's attention to him as well.
Meanwhile he probably already knew that I hired a bodyguard. The recordings from outside the barber's shop were on national television and the media also made pictures of us when he brought me in the house yesterday evening after he picked me up from Skye and Andrew's home...
I didn't want Zachary coming into the focus of Twink Twink. That's why I had to find a way to cut our bond as soon as possible before something worse happened.
"I will tell Natalie's family about you Zac." I broke the silence after a while.
"Do you think that's a good idea?"
"I don't really know. But these days nothing seems to be normal anymore..." My voice trailed off in thoughts if my decision was the right thing. It teared my heart apart to leave him in this condition...
"You don't need to tell them about it if you're not ready Taylor. It's a decision you don't have to make alone, we can decide about it together."
"Thanks for the offer Zac. But I can't build up a whole net of lies around me."
"How will you tell them about it?"
"I don't know yet, but I will have to find a way. I'm worried how they will react but they deserve the truth and mostly you deserve the truth. I'm not going to run away this time."
"If you need me, you know where I am." Zachary selflessly offered me his protection and I felt moved and guilty about it at the same time. I wanted to hug him, apologize to him and cry my heart out every time he gave me those protective, brotherly looks which I slowly became used to.
"I appreciate you protective little brother. But I need to do this alone," I declared insistently. I just knew that it wouldn't be right to lie to Natalie's family. They just lost their daughter; the police and I were the only ones which could tell them what happened to her. They were my parents in law, so they were my family and Zachary was my family too. It wouldn't be right to exclude him from my family, just because I didn't know how to explain our situation. They didn't deserve to be lied too, not at this time and not at any other time.
"There's another thing we have to talk about before we are back, Taylor." Zachary suddenly piped up again and turned a little in my direction before he continued.
"Your Stalker left a note in blood on the floor in the living room the night I arrived." I immediately felt the shivers of goose bumps on my arms.
"What? When did you plan to tell me about that Zac?!?" The tone in my voice went three octaves higher because of irritation and horror.
"Actually, not before you gave me an explanation for your leaving Taylor. I didn't tell you because I know that you keep something from me, but I think it's important that you know how serious your situation is and not an adventure."
"Oh, I know how serious the situation is Zachary. I'm fully aware of that!" I snapped. Okay granted, I wasn't playing fair now, but the sudden news that my stalker was in my house at a same time I was, it was more than scary, it was beyond expression.
"You and taking something serious Taylor? Fucking liar! If you take things so fucking seriously, why the hell do you only take them seriously when they're about yourself, huh? Fucking answer me!" He snapped back angrily at me.
"I told you that I want to be informed about everything Zac! You didn't follow my rules." I glared at him and condemned him even though I didn't know if that was right. Unfortunately I already had spoken it out before I thought deeper about his reasons.
Probably he didn't tell me about it because he thought I wasn't in the condition to bear news like that. I knew there's a lying in his silence but I believed that he had a good reason for it. I assumed that he thought the truth could compromise my safety and that I was too sensitive.
Zac protected me like a big brother since the first day we met. Actually, I was more mad about myself than about Zachary, that's why I tried to teach him some cultivated manners before our ways would be seperated again.
"Oh really? That's the best compliment I've heard all day. One thing is for sure Taylor, having you as a brother isn't fun in the sun either." He answered bluntly.
"You live a life like an outlaw Zachary. Life is not a western movie." I tried again with more emphasis.
"I already told you that I don't follow anyone's rules other than my own, Taylor. Live with it. Deal with it." He retorted unimpressed.
"I'm just saying that actions have consequences."
"Yeah, you and I are the best examples. But fortunately, it's not your fucking problem anyway, right Taylor? Don't bother playing the caring brother here and go into the hysterics like a dramatic chick on the rag before you run away again like you always do. Don't forget that I'm your bodyguard and in order to keep you alive you have to follow my rules! So you better save your breath for your in laws, coz you still look as white as a milkshake."
Damn, he could twist the knife. My younger brother had a snappy answer for everything. He was a natural talent to push people off their high horses. I just couldn't cope with him, whether physically nor mentally.
"Really? Oh dear! That's a nightmare." I exclaimed distracted and quickly glanced into the rear view mirrow to check my reflection."
Anyway! "How did that incident happen?"
"When I burned my teenager belongings in the garden..."
"No you didn't..."
"I sure did. I was pretty pissed when you expected me to sleep in my old room surrounded my teenager belongings as if nothing ever happened. So I threw the stuff out the window and burned it because I couldn't bear to see it any longer. During this time your stalker sneaked behind me in the house. That person must have been quiet as a shadow. He used the blood from your wife to leave a note on the floor."
"My gosh... That's so scary." was all I could utter. The news nearly threatened to pull the ground under me away again. To imagine that the stalker has been in my house while I was there was terrifying. Not only that, Zac was there too and Skye. My stalker managed it to sneak in the house even though Zachary was there. He was here to protect me and I've seen and experienced that he was capable to do his job, but I also knew that no one was unbeatable and the news that my stalker was able to sneak into the house without Zac's notice just convinced me even more that my decision about the separation was the right one. The situation was not safe for both of us. When he was in the garden burning stuff maybe the fire covered the noise that the intruder made. What if he had killed me, Zac, Skye, or all of us that night?
"Is that the reason why you came into my bedroom that night to check if I was still alive?"
"Yeah."
"I will tell you what happened back then Zac." I stated, to let him know that I haven't forgotten what I owed him. I knew that I was playing with Zachary's bond of impatience which has never been very long. In this case, it was understandable though that he didn't want to wait any longer. But I had formed a plan in mind how I wanted to tell him the truth. In my own way. The Taylor way.
"No, I don't think so." Zac shook his head.
"What? Why do you believe that?" I frowned at him open mouthed because I was surprised about his reaction.
"Maybe some things are not meant to be told." He shrugged vacuous as if he had already gave up hope that he would ever came to known what happened back then. His eyes were dark and empty and his expression was unreadable like the tone in his voice but I sensed how sad he must be and it made me sad as well.
"Not in that case Zac. We will talk after the meeting with my parents in law. I promise you will get the truth before the day is over. Okay?" I spoke softly, looking alternating between him and the traffic.
Zac sighed heavily and didn't reply. He seemed to have no hope for anything. I didn't know how to deal with that. Sure, I couldn't blame him that he didn't like my decision. Maybe if he said anything at the moment, it would be exactly that. Yet he kept silent; his glances were attentively alternating between the traffic and me, always checking if we were being followed.
I wasn't able to focus on anything else other than what he just told me. My fingers nervously tapped on the steering wheel.
"From now on, I demand to be fully informed about everything!" I ordered and gave him a serious look.
Basically, it was pointless. Because, one, I knew that it was my fault that we didn't have a good start, second, I had to get rid of Zac as soon as possible and third, the news didn't change anything about the current situation which was so serious that my heart was pounding faster just to think of it.
It felt to me like everyone in my company was on a death list.
At first, my parents then my wife and my baby and Zachary was probably the next one if he stayed with me. Everyone in my company slipped through my hands like sand that I couldn't grasp and it ended in a big lake of blood.
I was swimming in blood because of guilt for the death of my parents and probably my wife and my baby too. Yeah, I lived in a nightmare of blood...
If Zachary stayed with me, he would be the next person on this death list...
"Sorry Taylor, I know that I should have told you earlier." Zachary apologized sincerely. Apparently it wasn't all he had to say though. "But let me tell you something Taylor. You demand things from me, you expect me to be considerate towards everyone and you think I have no manners, but what do you do in return aside from your expectations and tries to change me? You're not the only person who would like to be fully informed about everything. But for your info I've called the police about the note, they are informed about it."
Zachary's voice was very distant all of a sudden. Somehow it felt the more we talked the more it felt like we were getting strangers again. I tried my best to ignore his reproaching question and hoped things wouldn't escalate between us before I was ready to talk to him. I knew that I was playing an unfair game. How could I blame him for after saving my life twice? I didn't know how to answer his questions without making him mad. Maybe Zac was right and there was nothing I could do for him, but that he would survive was always at the forefront of my thoughts.
Furthermore, there was something that worried me. He was honest with me but there was something that did not fit into the picture. I knew that I couldn't expect him to do a great job because of how he felt I treated him before and I didn't blame him for his anger but from what I have experienced after that he always did his job very well and didn't let emotions affect him to the point of him not being aware of any dangerous situations. Something didn't sit right with me and I didn't kow what it was. He had self defense skills and he was also very smart. While I don't go around expecting bad stuff's gonna happen to me at every turn, I'm pretty sure that if I'd get attacked, he could and would protect me. I had seen that with my own eyes that he was capable of doing this job, why wasn't he that specific night? Even though I didn't know if it still mattered or if it mattered at all because I didn't plan to keep him, I couldn't help myself to be confused about that.
I kept silent for a long while because I didn't know what to say. My little brother protected me, so who I was I to criticize him? I didn't want to hurt Zac, I didn't want to make him believe that I thought he wasn't capable of this job but still, I wasn't able to shrug off the worries and doubts.
There was another thing about that incident of which I was glad about. As weird as it may sound Zac's decision to not tell me about that incident immediately kept us together. Because if he done it, what would have happened then? At that time, we didn't trust each other, he hated me and I was afraid of him. If he had confronted me about the incident earlier, surely our paths would have separated already and he would have never came to known that I still loved and cared about him.
It would have given me a reason to tell him to leave, maybe also a reason to tell him that he wasn't capable of doing this job, because he was a stranger to me that I didn't trust. That's why I internally was glad that he didn't tell me at that time in which I wasn't receptive for anything either way.
His silence kept us together and gave me the chance to show him that I still care. There were still some things I needed to know from him though.
"What was it? I haven't seen a note on the floor in the living room." I frowned at him. Zac pulled Natalie's cell out of his pants pocket and showed me the photo he made.
It said "Please forgive me Taylor. Love Twink Twink."
My stalker apologized to me for the murder of my poor wife and innocent baby and used their blood for it. It was morbid and grotesque!
I got angry as I thought of that and this time I was glad about it. At least my anger suppressed my fear...
"Bandito licked it away."
"What the hell? That is so gross!" I exclaimed dramatically as I thought of the pool of blood.
"Are you going to puke?" Zachary immediately grabbed the steering wheel as I slapped my hand to my mouth because I had to choke.
"No, I'm okay. I... I just have a sensitive stomach when it comes to blood..." I admitted, swallowed and pulled myself together after inhaling a few deep breaths. I couldn't allow myself to throw up because I couldn't risk to lose my regained energy. Natalie's family shouldn't see me like a mess, the current situation was hard enough for them and Zac also had done more than enough to help me.
"You just have to think of something else if you're too sensitive." He said as I slowly steered the car into the entryway of our home. I took a handcherkief and held it over my mouth for a moment as I nodded silently. I followed his advice and thought of something else before throwing it away.
"How could you let him do that?" I confronted him again.
"He is a fucking dog Taylor. That's what dogs do. If it makes you feel better you can give me me the asshole card because of that. I don't fear it. Maybe you can imagine that I also wasn't delighted when you thought that I tied you to your bed with criminal background reasons."
I gave in. I didn't want to fight with Zac. It wouldn't help us to reproach each other for things that happened during a time when he had all rights to be mad with me. Actually, he still had. No matter if he knew the truth or not...
It wasn't his fault that I had a sick stalker and I should vent out my anger toward Twink Twink and not on my little brother who was put under the pressure of walking in my shoes...
"You're right Zac. Let's forget that. Sorry, didn't mean to be reproaching. I just tend to be a little over dramatic and perfectionistic at times." I said ruefully. Zachary's words had made me feel guilty again. I knew that I shouldn't forget that this situation was unfair situation for him. He was there for me even though I had let him wait nine years for an explanation. I played with his feelings and that had come to an end like the insane job he did for me.
I slowed down and parked the car in the driveway near the front door. Several cars were already present, two were police cars, one was Skye's and one was a rental I assumed that was Natalie's parents. They were already there. I wasn't ready yet...
Scrutinizing, I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, searching for flaws and things that I didn’t like about my appearance. I always needed to check out how I look before hitting the outside world. The media and fans often said to me "What a gorgeous babe you are. Your beauty is breathtaking!" I remember when I was a teenager and someone complimented me and gave me attention, I would feel confident and on top of the world. As I focused even more on my looks and on how others perceived me as I became older Mom and Dad helped me to keep my feet on the ground.
I had done everything to appear well-groomed and respectful in every way for my in laws. I felt clean and better since I ate something and my new suit looked scrupulously correct. Internally, I still felt fear and nervousness though. While I had been well-dressed and well-mannered, fitting in perfectly to the ideal setting of the upper class neighbourhood looked Zachary in his crumpled grunge style exhausted, yet he appeared totally relaxed. A feature I could envy him for already in younger days. No matter how physically demanding something was, he always kept that balanced, relaxed look on him as if nothing could knock his socks off. The way he almost lay out stretched in his seat did not really make him look like a security guard.
A passing stranger would probably not have thought that he differed from other people. Middle class employee, middle class income, an average American. The only thing which gave a hint that my brother Zachary Walker Hanson alias Blade Leon Caziano was someone else than the stiff hard workers in this part of the town was the gun hidden somewhere in his waistband and the stains of blood on his jacket and shirt from a fight about a half hour ago. He had a look of a rockstar about him, the rockstar that had become the average man. Not to say he was average of course, he was far above average in many regards.
We probably gave kind of an odd picture together. If Skye was here now, I would ask him to give my temples a massage before we headed inside.
I sighed. I had to collect myself. I had something on my mind about which I wanted to talk with Zachary personally, because I never knew if this was the last opportunity to do it. So I pulled my own cell phone out of my pocket and opened the web browser. Considering Zac's anger towards me, I doubted that he occupied himself with the development of my career and articles about me.
Maybe, I could show him one last time that I cared for him, so I would show him the efforts of my search for him...
"What are you doing?"
"Give me a minute," I answered him, scrolling through a few search results until I found an interview with an article about me in which I told the public that I searched my brother.
"Here," I said and gave him my cell to read the article. He took it from me and read it silently.
"I want you to know that I searched for you and that I did not give up hope in finding you Zac." I explained softly, looking at him hopefully.
"Why do you tell me about this now?"
"Because I want you to know how important you are for me and how much I care about you." I said and looked at him as he remained silent. I was about to ask him what he was thinking as he finally opened his mouth to answer.
"Do you know what really odd is Taylor? That you only care about me when we are not together. And once you meet me, I'm nothing more than a scuzzy mongrel for you of which you want to get rid of. How easy for you." He huffed and shook his head as his last sentence.
"This is not fair Zac..." I cried out, even though I knew that every word Zac said was the truth. He was right, I haven't been able to take care of him, not now and not after our parents death. And what's even more odd was that our relationship worked better when he did take care of me instead of me taking care of him...
"Stop talking bullshit Taylor, you are not fair! You nearly had 1,5 years to contact me before I finished my army education and got my code name. You don't even have any idea how a sixteen year old teenager feels when he has no one to talk to and doesn't even know why and what he has done. So stop fucking try to lull me with the things you did when we're not together to soothe your own guilt feelings before you run away again like you always do."
He threw the cell in my lap, his tone was resigned and his feelings unapproachable. I knew that it was because that sorrow wasn't new for him. I couldn't blame him that he didn't want to deal with it again, he must have suffered long enough because of me.
I wanted to apologize to him but I felt it wasn't the right time. Maybe there would be never a right time for us anymore...
Zac didn't seem to be in the mood anymore to talk, but I didn't want to waste any time which I might regret later.
"This situation is not safe for us Zac. Not for you and not for me."
"Oh and of course you think it's only your decision?! Like usual." He shook his head in incomprehension about my statement.
"I know I hired you as my bodyguard Zac, but it's too dangerous and you're not my big brother."
"Oh really? It would be better for you if I were. Why else do I have to remind you of your selfish behavior over and over again? No matter what age a brother shouldn't do things like that. So don't piss me off even more than I already am!"
"I know I made mistakes Zachary and I'm not the brother you deserve but I just can't do this."
"Seriously Taylor, I should beat every living shit out of you because of your fucking hypocrisy!" He snarled, close to terrifying me.
I gulped and winced at his threat, intimidated by the sudden bad mood even though I could understand his anger.
"Will you do that?" I glanced at my little brother timidly and worriedly like he was about to beat me up.
"No it's against my rules as a bodyguard to hurt my client, so I won't touch your delicate fairy ass, even though you sure as heck deserve worse than a good beating."
As I felt the tension fading away I opened my mouth to say something but he stopped me with another warning.
"If I were you I'd be careful though, 'cause you may have noticed that I'm not a man who likes to repeat himself. I might change my mind anytime."
"I know Zac... but please try to understand me." I pleaded him entreative.
"Forget it Taylor, keep your lame excuses to yourself!"
I didn't know what to do. How could I know what was right and was wrong in this insane situation? For sure, I could understand that he felt disappointed that I didn't have the heart to keep him because of fear and worry something serious might happen to him. We were already together in the national newscast where everyone could see the recordings from outside the barber's shop and that I was in the company of a bodyguard. Maybe Twink Twink already seen that video... I felt my stomach churning in worry about Zac and me just at the thought of it. I tried to distract myself from the worries and focus on Zac's and mine conversation to not lose my nerves which were still weak and vulnerable. I could barely hold my tears back at the thought of losing him.
"Zac, why didn't you see that man going in the house that night when you were in the garden? Was it only the emotions that affected you or was there something else?"
I just couldn't keep my doubts inside; something in his story just did not fit right to me. I did not get the impression from him that he would let emotions affect him so much that he wasn't aware of the danger when a situation became alarming and life threatening.
"It's better for you to not know it Taylor."
"What is that supposed to mean? I'm your brother after all." I frowned at him as he made me feel like a helpless child.
"For how long? A day? You never accepted me. So there's no fucking reason why anything about me does matter to you."
I winced as he spoke out loud what I couldn't say to him, at least not this way.
"I did not say goodbye to you yet."
"That wasn't necessary." He replied coldly. Both of us diverted our eyes from each other in the same moment like strangers we were about to become.
It seemed it was all I could expect him to say about it and I had to accept it. Although his answer wasn't revealing, I sensed that I couldn't push him anymore. Zachary had done more for me than I could have expected from him. Maybe we just reached the point where he was done giving and I done taking.
"I don't want to fight with you Zac. Not in this time. I know that our time is limited but I want to spend this day together with you and tell you what happened nine years ago after the meeting. I know that I owe you. Please Zac, give me this one day. I know that I will never find the will to live again without your support."
I pleaded with my innocent soft spoken voice, hoping he would reply my look but he didn't react. My hands felt cold and began to shiver because I didn't know how to bear the whirlwind of emotions.
"What you expect from me is not fair Taylor."
"I know Zac... but you're my only family. Please Zac, just this one day. I... I just don't think I'm ready to be alone right now." I carefully confessed and laid my hand on his knee as gentle as I could. If our ways seperated like this, my nerves would collapse like a house of cards again.
Would he ever be able to forgive me? And would I ever be able to forgive myself?
All I could do was to pray that my decision to leave him was the right one. When we were children and we were sad, scared or angry our Mom used to cheer us up while talking with us about our favorite things and wishes.
"What would you like to do now if you could choose?" I asked quietly, hoping Zac would get my hint. I was a little afraid at this point that he wouldn't talk with me anymore and I felt my hands trembling more.
"Go home to my Xbox and take my pants off." He said without thinking.
Needless to say it was a typical Zac Hanson statement I should have expected. I smiled some and at the same time allowed myself to sigh in relief. Not because of the memory from our Mam's habit he seemed to remember, but because he seemed to sense that I needed him a little longer. I knew that I wouldn't be able to bear such an aprubt ending all of a sudden.
"What would you like to do?" He asked and looked over to me now. I thought about it for a moment before I answered him.
"I think I would like to lie in the tree house with you just like we did back then and talk about all kind of things."
"We might do that later."
"I wish we could do that Zac but unfortunately that's not possible. The ladder of the treehouse is still broken... at least one or two rungs of it." I thoughtfully said as I thought back of our teenager days...
"You didn't fix it?"
"I tried..." I blushed. "I still have a scar from hammering a nail right in my finger. I'm a little clumsily with technical stuff."
"That doesn't matter. I was the one who broke it anyway."
"I would have fixed it but I feel like my hands are just too soft and delicate for rough man's work like that." I said and stretched out my thin hands in front of me.
"I may have taught you some skilled manual work if things were different."
"That's kind of you Zac but I don't think that's a fitting hobby to me. I enjoy cooking delicious meals and baking cookies much more than working with technical stuff. Especially in my favorite apron." I ended with a little smile.
His look fell on my still outstretched fingers. My thumb was painted with light pink nail polish because I like wearing nail polish sometimes. "You're so girly in many ways Tay." He ascertained and stroked over my thumb and my painted fingernail with his fingers.
"I know it's just natural to me. Weird, huh?"
"No, I think it's actually one of the most adorable things of you and it really fits you well."
I put a hand on my cheek in a girly manner, feeling pleased. "That's really flattering and sweet of you to say. And about the ladder, I guess I'm just afraid to hurt myself again."
"It's okay. You better keep your hands off any tools to be on the safe side." He answered and instinctively put his hand on top of mine like he wanted to protect me from harm and all the things out there that ain't good for me. I kind of liked the brotherly, protective tone with which he said that.
"If you stay over, maybe you can fix the ladder? You seem to be very good with your hands and you can fix anything electrical and technical, right?" I looked at him hopefully. My little brother had installed the door lockers properly, certainly the broken sprungs of the ladder wouldn't be a problem for him either. I didn't want to be presumptuous after everything he did for me, I just wanted to let him know that I still needed him.
"Sure I might fix it but you know that I need a bandage for the wound on my arm. So this time you should ask that Andrew or Eagle Eye cop if he can help you. 'Cause I don't plan to stay that long... oh shit!"
"What?" I frowned, wondering what he was cursing about but then I already found it out by myself. Skye was coming out of the house and down the front stairs.
"There comes the cocksucker." Zachary groaned, announcing the return of his sarcasm with Skye's appearance and slapped his hand against his forehead in irritation.
"Come on Zac, please don't be rude okay?" I looked at him, hoping these two could meet each other peacefully.
"Why not? He has deserved it. I should make a big fat barbeque with him and then dance on his ashes."
"Honestly, I'm also not delighted to see him right now. We had an argument yesterday, but I'm sure we can solve this; it's not that much of a deal. So could you hothead please at least pretend to be nice to him?"
"No. I don't hide behind a mask. I am who I am. And Skye can be glad if I will not light him on fire."
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Date: 2015-04-18 09:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-04-18 09:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-09-14 01:07 pm (UTC)Meanwhile he knows that Zac's life isn't safe as well, he even said it, so what's the point in getting rid of him?!? He just hides behind his pride and his sensitivy.