The Bodyguard - Chapter 43

[teamzaylor]

Title: THE BODYGUARD
Chapter: 43
Rating: Nc-17
POV: Taylor
Warnings: Language, Death, Crime
Chapter Overview: Link

About the Story: The death of their parents broke Taylor and Zac apart. Each of them went his own way of life, Taylor became a famous superstar and never thought that his profession would bring his life in danger someday. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contentedly in his dark and dirty world as a pimp. Because of some unexpected circumstances Blade got hired as Taylor's bodyguard and the brothers saw each other for the first time after almost a decade. How will they overcome the shadows of the past?

Authors Notes: One new Update for now. We'll post the next Chapter as soon as we can. Enjoy ♡


previous Chapter 42                                                                                                                                                                next Chapter 44

Taylor:

As I watched my brother looking down to me as he walked over to the driver's side I was relieved. Even though Bandito stayed here with me, I felt better, knowing that he was back. Not only because of me, but also that he was doing well. Trying to ignore my feeling of weakness, I climbed back on the front passenger seat shortly before he got in the car again.

"Hey," I greeted softly as he settled beside me.

"Hey princess. Are you alright?" He turned to me and pulled his black shades down a bit that I could look into his eyes as he asked me.

"Yes, but I'm glad that you are back." I admitted honestly.

"I'm glad to be back too." He gave me a little smile. He seemed to be in a better mood than before he went away. And I was glad about his company. I knew that I had to find a way to talk with him about Mam and Dad, even if he blamed me for killing them... If only I would have known how to brace myself for apologizing because of that...

"Bandito wouldn't have left you Taylor." He assured me his dogs loyality, but it wasn't necessary. Bandito already won my heart right from the beginning.

"I know. He's really a great dog. How long do you have him?"

"My friend Santiago gave him to me seven years ago."

He told me, turned around to Bandito and patted his head praisingly. It was nice to get to know more a little more about Zachary and about his life before we met. Through the years which separated us, I thought about him so many times. I wondered where he has been, if he was doing well and if I'd ever see him again. I remember that I was dismayed at the news that he didn't use his real name anymore. As I realized that I wasted too much time to get over my guilt about our parents death, I began to worry that Zachary had given up on me. That he didn't want to wait for me and didn't want to get found by me anymore...

Who could blame him for what I'd done to him and our parents...?!

Experiencing how embittered he was in the last days made me afraid to speak out what I owed him. If we'd meet a few years before when I still was in a lucky marriage, it would have been a little easier for me to talk to him, but in my current state, I was so fragile that I just didn't know how to deal with his hate against me.

Sometimes I couldn't sleep at night, worrying about what might have happened to him. Pondering if I had done enough to find him, if I'd could have done more...

He was always in my heart and here we were together again. And I appreciated every little moment we had together.

Every time I saw Zac with Bandito, I noticed what a familar, unseperable team they were. I felt that Bandio was very important for him. And my brother was for Bandito very important as well. I could easily tell that because of Bandito's excitement when Zachary came back and the debonair way which seemed so natural for them.

"Did you straighten out the matter?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes, I made the arrangement in the barber's shop, but we have to wait a few minutes before we can go." Zac told me and let go off our excited, happy dog friend, coming back to business again. He reached into his jacket and rummaged in his inner jacket pocket until he fished a small booklet out of it and handed it to me.

"This is my ID card and my license to protect people which I got when I was in a protection team in the Army because of jobs for the government. "

I took it from him and read the big letters on the cover. It said United State Army Identification Card. For Identification only. As I opened it, I saw a picture of him in soldier clothes on the inside.

He looked a little different than he did now on it, a little younger. We had not seen each other for such a long time that the picture made me realize how much time of his youth I missed. Even though I knew that he joined the Army, I had never seen him in soldier clothes until now. Gosh, I had to catch up on so much about his life...

But he cut through my thoughts and didn't let me think about it further.

"In this ID is my other name. The name you can use to introduce me to other people if you have to." He suddenly declared. I didn't even notice it yet, I was too distracted by the photo of him which showed a younger version of him which I sadly wasn't lucky to meet...

"Blade Leon Caziano." I read out loud. Even though, I already became used to call him Blade, it felt strange to me to speak out his full other name anyway. Because it was a different name than the one I was used to call him a long time ago...

Zachary Walker Hanson.

But what's worse was that I immediately knew that this other name reminded me again of my unsuccessful search for him in the past years. His other name complicated it. My heart sank to my boots.

"What about your real name?" I asked carefully. To be honest, I still was a little afraid to ask him if I could ever ask him Zac again, since he lost his patience several times when I did that.

"I don't use it anymore long since, I got that code name after my Army education. Meanwhile I'm used to get called Blade."

"Oh..." I paused. "I see."

I was glad that he cleared it up how he got that name, but still, our situation was sad somehow. Here we were having a conversation about which other name I could use to introduce him to the public to deny that he was my little brother. It was selfless from him to offer me to deny his real identity in public, but still, I wished to call him Zac again, at least in privacy...

But as long as I wouldn't have talked with him about our past, I knew that I didn't have the right to ask him about it. Besides, he closed the subject for himself already a long time ago. Now, I just came to known that he wasn't even used to his real name anymore.

"I know that you need your time to get used that I'm working for you Taylor. It will be easier for you to introduce me with this name if you'll come in such a situation. Coz I don't want you to feel ashamed because of me Taylor. No one of your fans and the media needs to know that we are related. I don't expect that you introduce me in public as your brother. We don't need to shout it from the rooftops."

I looked at him, unsure what I should think about that. Undoubtedly, he was right that the thought of me introducing my little brother as my bodyguard to the public was by far unimaginable. I already was struggling so much with my embarassment because of that. My situation was pathetic and ashaming enough, I didn't want to get laughed about it! I'd probably rather die than to make such a complete fool of myself in in public on top of that. My nerves made me shiver at the thought. I was afraid of the imagination that people would call me as the pussy of my little brother and that they say things like I couldn't take care of himself and that I'm a weak and defenseless mess and a careless person on top of that.

Aside from the other things which were ahead of me, I knew that we had to find a solution for now.

"You don't mind to get denied?"

I asked, I just wanted to make sure that I wouldn't hurt him because of that.

"I don't care about standing in public. And I don't want to make it harder for you because of my company Taylor." He assured me one more time. I could feel that he was honest.

Back then, there has never been sibling rivalries between Zac and me because of my music carreer. Even though, I was becoming a musician at teenage age already, a certain tension or envy between us had never existed. It was relieving to came to know that he had not changed at that part.

"I'm very glad to know that Blade." I agreed thankfully. I also didn't see another way than to keep his identity a secret. It was enough for me that Skye and Andrew knew about it.

"You need to get better Taylor. And it's very important that you will get used to it that I protect you." He continued talking and I felt the shame in me building up again at his last sentence.

I knew that he'd expect me to get used to it as soon as possible, but I just couldn't...

"Yeah I know, but it's not happing to you, so it's easy for you to talk." I replied embittered this time and shifted a bit away from him. I knew that when he was around me, I was always confronted by the fact that he was protecting me, but the truth was, I was at the end of my nerves and I just didn't like to feel steadily embarrassed, so I didn't know what else to respond.

He kept silent after that and I began to worry if it was right what I said. We just had our reconcilation, so I definitely didn't want to pick a new fight...

"Why don't you say anything?" I eventually asked worriedly, I suddenly was insecure if I went too far.

"Well, if you like to think that I have the easy job Taylor, then think that way. I just don't fucking get why you make such a big deal of that. Just because I'm two years younger than you, doesn't have to mean that I can't protect you. Furthermore, there are other important things on which we have to focus."

I could hear in his tone that he didn't agree with my remark, but I didn't know how I could mend our fences right now. I just couldn't deal with it that easy like he could.

I sensed that I couldn't expect more from him about it right now. But I knew my realization that I was defenseless without my little brother's protection was a thing for which I would need a longer time to get used to, if I could get used to it at all... one day.

"Sorry, I know" was all I ruefully answered. I already felt sorry that I accused him for something with which I couldn't deal with... It just was hard for me to imagine that he could relate to my situation...

Besides that, I didn't really trust him yet. Probably a part of me was still afraid that he wanted me to accept the situation so he didn't need to respect me. That's why I made these little, careful steps.

"I mean...compared to you I must appear a little...uhm...girly. You don't find me weird because of that?" I blushed and glanced shyly at him, evidently wishing to adopt a jocular tone but my worries to get laughed at were too big.

He let out a heavy sigh.

"Taylor, honestly I don't get it. Why the fuck do you draw up guidelines for strength and manliness at all? Do you want to frustrate me and make me feel guilty just because I'm able to protect you?

"No... of course not!" I exclaimed, a feeling of guilt fluttered through me.

"Then stop fucking comparing yourself with me. You'll never get over it as long as you do that."

"Sorry. I mean, I...I just was wondering if you noticed it...?" I stuttered. I felt a little insecure to talk about it, but I had to talk about it with him. I didn't know how else to find out what he thought of me.

"Yes, I have noticed that you and your manager are effeminate types. He is the gossipy and bothersome sissy type and you are the soft and sensitive fairy princess. Am I right or am I right?" He answered straight out. I felt my blush grew deeper in an instant and bent my head down like a child that just said something very awkward.

"You have a very sharp perception Blade..." I quietly said. Was he about to laugh at me now?

A sensitive, girly older brother who was protected by his little brother... I turned my head sideways towards the window so that he wouldn't see me blushing of embarrassment. Skye and I often called each other 'babe' which I liked, we were both mild mannered and gentle guys who liked lots of girly things like shopping, styling, cooking and so on... I didn't mind if it sounded like Skye and I were sisters 'cause we loved our interests but it was unfamiliar to me to reveal my girly features and habits to my younger brother and talk to him about that. Before I could think about it further, Zachary extended his arm, took my chin in his hand and turned me back to him like he was my big brother.

"Look at me Taylor. You're my brother whether you're girly or not. There's nothing you need to hide for me. You're girly, fine. I don't care. I'm not here to change you Taylor, I accept you how you are. All I expect is that you do the same in return." He continued, there was firmness and some irriation in his tone, but no undertone of derision. Blade was so serious in his appearance.

"You don't mind my girly features?" I really expected him to laugh to be honest because it was probably one of the oddest questions ever, but I just needed to know what he thought about me and him. We were brothers who were slowly getting to know each other. I didn't want to keep a secret from him even though I was worried that his response would hurt me.

I knew that I was different than him and probably always will be. We just looked very different and had different interests and habits. I could get excited about clothes shopping and sometimes I enjoyed wearing light pink, it's my secret favorite color, it's so soft and girly. If I had the possibility, I would have loved to paint the walls of my daughter's room with a pale, light pink pastel tone for her. I always loved to dress up in pretty clothes, take fashion risks and from time to time I wear nail polish. Sometimes I feel girly and beautiful even though I'm a guy. A pink blush on my cheeks always gave me a girlish complexion. I'm a bit girly on the outside and if I could get a little more acceptance, maybe I'd be more girly in and out... Zac was the complete contrary.

We were brothers, but we were so different like a soldier and a princess...

To be honest I had never talked with anyone about my girly side. Between Natalie and me it surely would have been an awkward subject... she didn't even know about my gayness. I didn't think that my little brother would be the first person with whom I talked about it and a part of me was still a little worried after his insults and teasings. A sensitive guy like me just gets upset very easily.

I needed to know what he was thinking about it to be on the safe side.

"I think you should stand by your features and live out everything you want. We both should." He said in a way that made me realize that my question was weird for him. Maybe I was already so used to live a life where acceptance without prejudices wasn't a matter of course that it almost surprised me that he didn't judge me.

I felt relieved that he didn't expect me to change and that he accepted all my features so easily. It's rare to find someone like that these days. I actually would like to bring out my tender feminine side a little more...

"Actually, I think your girly features are adorable. Don't be afraid to admit to your female side." He said, snorting through his nose and surprised me even more. I had noticed that Zac often scratched his nose and made sniffling noises as if he needed a handkerchief. He scrunched up his nose like he was inhaling a deep breath. In those moments he looked like a soccerplayer right before they spit on the ground.

So far I hadn't thought about it further, maybe he just got the sniffles or he had a allergic rhinitis...

"You think so?" I opened my bag for a handkerchief as I heard him sniffing back his snot and laid it onto his leg in a genteel manner as I found one. I was right. Right after my thought he cranked the window a little bit down to spit out some gross thick spit. His noises made my hair stand on end and I almost squeaked 'Eew' in disgust, shaking slightly about the noise. Fortunately my cultivated manners knew better and I kept my thoughts to myself. My younger brother had become a real street boy in and out.

"Yeah, sure why not? Live your inner sparkle out if it makes you happy." He shrugged nonchalantly before taking it and blowing his nose roughly.

I smiled gratefully, feeling my blush cease. "Aww, I didn't expect that you're so supportive Blade." I replied, not caring anymore if my reaction sounded effeminate. I was really touched by Zac's unselfish, unjudging behavior and relieved and surprised that he even liked my feminine side. I never expected Zachary to be the first person to which I revealed my girly-est secrets.

"Well, you have always been kind of a fairy princess with your elegance."

"I guess that's true. Sometimes I like feeling a little girly." I admitted and was suprised about myself that I could speak out my confession without any feeling of shame. I never expected Zac would be that person to which I revealed my girly-est moments. It was thanks to his understanding which made me feel comfortable about it. He managed to talk with me about my girly features in a very natural way and instead of hurting his sayings sounded like an honest compliment from Zac. Yeah, I've always been a curious guy who liked trying out random things and my feminine side was a part of me. I felt relieved. A little bit of distraction was exactly what I needed in my sorrow.

"I really like your gentle personality Taylor," he said in a natural way.

"You can be a real gentleman, Blade Caziano." I thanked him with a sincerely flattered smile, feeling genuinely moved of his compliment. "By the way it was an amazing and selfless deed from you to help my best friend and manager Skye when he got mugged a few days ago in that dangerous downtown district." I added, partly because I wanted to return the favor for his compliment and partly because I was hoping my recognition would lessen Zac's hatred towards Skye.

"That little queer better stays out of that district, coz next time I won't be that nice." He answered in a serious tone, rumpling up the handkerchief in his hand with rosing anger. He often said things in such a resolute tone that I knew there's was no point in further discussion with him. But I admit that maybe I expected too much of him.

I realized there was some unfinished business between them and Zac didn't let himself get influenced by anyone, especially when he thought that his behavior was justified.

And I had to admit that even though I always tried to avoid all dispute, I liked Blade for his obstinacy. Because it felt familiar, it reminded of how he has been as Zachary a long time ago...

I was content with the things we could clarify. And I was glad that he was with me but still, I didn't know how to deal with his protection.

On the other hand, I longed for to put that subject on ice for now. I knew that he was right that there were other more important things ahead of me. If only I could turn off the way I feel...

All those headaches exhausted me, that's why I was glad when I got the chance to change the subject as he reached over to take his ID card back from me.

"Wait! Can I... I mean do you mind if I take a picture of your ID? Just for the memory?"

"Yeah sure, go ahead." He shrugged.

I immediately took my bag and pulled my camera out of it to take a photo of it. I didn't know if I'd ever get the chance to see that picture of him again, so having a tangible memory of our lost years was a nice thing to have. I thanked him with a smile and handed the ID back to him after that.

He shoved it back into his jacket pocket, then he took his back pack from the back seat, opened it and pulled out a chocolate bar.

"Here some chocolate for you," he said and reached it out to me.

"No, thanks." I declined politely.

"It's with nuts." He informed me as if it would make a difference. I found it endearingly that he offered me his candy, of which I knew he has always been addicted to. If I wasn't caught in my emotions of sorrow, fear and worries I'd surely do him the favor and take it.

"I am not hungry."

He sighed and looked at me unsatisfied.

"I'm worried because you don't eat anything Taylor. When was the last time you ate something?"

I shrugged absently. "I don't remember anymore."

To be honest, I didn't expect him to broach the subject again after his cold and indifferent behavior last night when he fetched the pizza for us.

"You need strength Taylor. You can't get through all of this without eating anything!" He tried again.

I knew that I repressed the thought of eating a while ago already, coz the imagination to eat something after my family got killed made me sick. And in my brother's cold company I also couldn't eat something. All I longed for was to numb myself to not feel the unbearable pain of my loss. I just couldn't eat something in so much depression, sorrow and fear. Now that, Zachary was with me and called us brothers again, I finally didn't feel alone anymore, but it still disgusted me to eat in my current state anyway.

"It's nice from you Blade but I just don't know how to swallow any food currently."

"But you have to eat Taylor before your condition gets really serious." He stubbornly didn't let go off this subject.

"I can't...!" I whined desperate this time.

"Then tell me what I can do that you will eat something again."

He sounded worried and impatient, but he couldn't pressure me about that. Probably, it was in god's hands if I'll find the will to eat something again. I was grateful to him for encouraging me. But had I also deserved it? Not really.

And I wasn't sure if he only changed his behaviour because of my tears. That's why I couldn't stop myself from asking a question of which I knew that it wasn't fair, but after the blows of fate I experienced in the last three days, I guessed it was just normal to be sentimental. And I badly needed to know if it was only his sympathy which let him act this way towards me.

"Do you really care after what I have done to you Blade? Or is it just your sympathy? I mean you have good reasons to hate me for the rest of your life." I spoke these words almost inaudibly, as if it could lessen the unfair background of my sayings.

"I know that it is what you need right now Taylor. And it is my job to take care of you."

His job?!?

His answer made me taken aback. He only saw it as a part of his job to care about me?!

I swallowed a hard lump down my dry throat which I didn't even notice yet. For me it was beyond question why I did let him do that job. I wanted him to stay with me because he was my only family. And now he just sounded like I paid him for acting that way...

"But you don't care..." I mouthed painfully. I closed my eyes for a short moment. All of a sudden a chasm yawned and I felt like I stood on the edge of the Grand Canyon. I threatened to fall down, because I didn't want to have it true that his changed behaviour towards me was just a pretense to get me better...

"I care." He finally said, waking me up from my nightmare and pulling me up to a safe ground.

I opened only one eye and looked at him suspiciously. I let the other one closed as if it could protect me from getting hurt.

"Really?"

"I already care about you since I know that you care about me, silly girly boy!" He assured me with a little teasing smirk across his lips at his last words.

"Then why didn't you speak it out immediately?!?" I now opened the other eye and frowned at him questioning. His sudden hesitation confused me. I didn't know what it should mean, but at least his expression became serious again after my question.

"Coz I'm not that good on emotional things Taylor. I won't deny that you always had the edge over me about things like that. Trust me, I care!"

He admitted earnest. I almost cried with relief when I heard that. Could I see that as a compliment from him?

I didn't know, but apparently he still didn't have problems to say what he thinks. And it made feel a little better. To know that even though he was the protective part in our relationship, he could still see things in me in which I was better than him.

"But you said you see me as a weakling." I pointed out, still sounding a little whiny. Apparently his sayings about me were still bothering me, so I couldn't help it to take advantage of this situation in which he was finally answering some things to me of which questions I so badly needed answers of.

"Taylor, you don't need to take that serious. You have always been slim and delicate in appeareance and I find that suits and fits to you very well."

I smiled a little about his compliment, partly because of relief and partly because of feeling flattered. He was right about my appeareance, I tried to keep my weight at 135 pounds before and I must have already lost some weight because I had to buy my new suit one size smaller than I usually wear. In my current state some encouragement and affirmation was what I badly needed and I was very grateful that he gave it to me. Maybe, he sensed that I couldn't find a way out of that black hole otherwise. I opened my mouth to thank him but he wasn't finished and I didn't want to interrupt him.

"Furthermore, I was thinking that you don't give a shit about me. So my first picture of you was filled with hate and despise for you. And I always thought you still don't give a shit about my life, so that's why you hired me. And that's the only reason I thought of you like that."

Zac's honest words took so much weight from my mind that I couldn't even begin to express how good it felt to hear that. Because it was what I wished for so badly. Not only our reconcilation, but that he would get a different picture of me and not see me as a selfish, careless person who never cared about his family.

It was still written in the stars if I would actually keep Zachary as my bodyguard, but if I would have to let him go, I would know that he came get to known my real me and that he saw me as a caring brother, even if it wouldn't be forever. Knowing that would surely ease my future decision.

Coz we were brothers who cared about each other. Right now in this moment.

What could give me better peace than that?!

"You were never indifferent for me Blade. Never! Please believe me! And I'm so sorry that you felt that way. I always cared for you and I know that I made a mistake when I left you," I apologized honestly. I knew that I owed him much more than that, but it was all I could manage to talk about right now. Until now, I hadn't realized how much exhausting a conversation could be and I felt so weak that I wasn't even sure anymore how much longer my legs would carry me.

"Well, I hope that you had a good reason to do that Taylor."

Suddenly I lost the ground under my feet as I heard that. What did that mean?

I looked at him shocked if I heard right what he just said.

"You mean... you don't know my reason?" I asked, unable to suppress the shaking in my voice.

I felt like I was out of reality. Goosebumps built up on my skin. How did it come that he didn't know that???

"I never came to known the reason why you left me Taylor. No one told me about it. You left me like I was nothing and kept me in suspense for the last nine years."

I couldn't believe his words.

"Is this supposed to be a joke?"

His expression remained deadpanned though. "I wish it would be a fucking joke Taylor, but it's not."

This time there was no sarcasm in his tone and I suddenly realized how serious he was. All of a sudden his behaviour since I met him made even more sense for me. He didn't know the reason why I went away.

"Oh my god... Blade. I really didn't know that..." I stammered and a tear of shock rolled over my face, but I didn't even notice it. He did not know that Mam and Dad's death was caused because of the gig I should attend to back then. That it was my fault...

The chocolate bar dropped out of his hand and he stared at me in disbelief.

"What?"

For the first time I experienced my brother taken aback.


previous Chapter 42                                                                                                                                                                next Chapter 44

Chapter Overview: Link

Comments

[jennifer-may.livejournal.com]

aww I'm happy to see these two are back! They are both difficult persons, I guess they will need time to clarify everything what's between them.
That chocolate bar discussion was really cute, hopefully Zac can convince Taylor to eat again. I love it how caring Taylor is and that Zac cares about him too.
The last part was amazing, I can't wait for the next Chapter!!!!

[zacharygirl.livejournal.com]

wow that was a great read! so many different emotions between them.

He was always in my heart and here we were together again. And I appreciated every little moment we had together.

I love these emotional lines from Taylor, he really has a great sense for sensitivity.

It was great that Blade tried to make it easier for Taylor. The talk about the chocolate was also interesting, I hope Taylor will find his will to eat something again before he'll get sick. I'm glad that he has his brother by his side. And that they finally care about each other.

After that Cliffhanger, I hope to read a new Update very soon!

[teamzaylor.livejournal.com]

The fact that these two think and feel differently like that speaks volume about their differences, good thing that now, they are on the stage of getting to know each other. We also enjoy portraying Taylor, soft, gentle and kind. :)

Thank you for your feedback!

[teamzaylor.livejournal.com]

Yes to all of that! We are also happy to see them getting along. Gosh we are so excited for Zaylor!
Blade and Taylor should be able to settle their issues from the past soon. ;)

Thanks so much for reading!

[lafeyemerced.livejournal.com]

omg I love love love it so much how you guys put the emphasis on Tay's girly features!!! It's sooo cute and adorable!! He's such a delicate and beautiful person. I love him so very much! <3 <3 <3

[teamzaylor.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!! Yeah, we like to portray a little bit of Taylor's girly side. Also, we think that the more different they are the more interesting is their combination in the story. So yeah, we'll add some girly features and habits of Taylor in future Chapters as well. :)