The Bodyguard - Chapter 39
Apr. 24th, 2014 08:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teamzaylor
Title: THE BODYGUARD
Chapter: 39
Rating: Nc-17
POV: Blade
Warnings: Language, Death, Crime
Chapter Overview: Link
About the Story: The death of their parents broke Taylor and Zac apart. Each of them went his own way of life, Taylor became a famous superstar and never thought that his profession would bring his life in danger someday. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contentedly in his dark and dirty world as a pimp. Because of some unexpected circumstances Blade got hired as Taylor's bodyguard and the brothers saw each other for the first time after almost a decade. Will they be able to overcome the shadows of the past?
Authors Notes: Update Chapter 39. Chapter 40 will be posted in the following days. Enjoy ♡
previous Chapter 38 next Chapter 40
Blade:
I felt hurt and guilty and didn't know what to do.
Taylor stood there like a picture of misery and I knew that he was trying to hold his tears back.
I unlocked the car, bent down and took a package of tissues out of the glove compartment which I need sometimes because of Bandito's sensitive stomach.
I handed one of the tissues to Taylor without comment. He looked at me suprised for a moment before he took it and daintily dabbed at his reddened eyes, wiped his cheeks and delicately blew his nose with it as if it was made of pure silk. I didn't know how he made it but he had the ability to make things look special because of the way he moved and touched things in a very graceful way.
"I guess this is where we say goodbye to each other, right?" He sadly asked me as I still didn't say something and reached out his hand to say goodbye.
I sighed. I couldn't believe this shit.
What the fuck shall I do?
Why Taylor, why?
I couldn't understand him, yet I had to make a decision.
"No Taylor, this is not a fucking goodbye. I can't go anymore. I gave a promise which I can't break."
"But that's not right... you might die! We might die!"
"I know Taylor. I'm fully aware of that. That's how business works."
"But... you have to go Blade! I don't know how to live with it, if anything will happen to you. I don't want you to get in danger!" He entreated me desperate this time.
Why Taylor, why all of a sudden? You didn't have a problem with it for nine fucking years and now you suddenly care?
I wanted to shout into his face: Why?
He wanted to release me because he couldn't live with more guilt. But it was too late for me to go.
"Well, we both have to live with that now Taylor, because like I said, I won't bail out of this job, no matter if you care about me or not. I don't know if your freaking Stalker is better than me, but I will protect you with my life. And if both of us will die, then it's our destiny." I managed it to say calmly even though internally I was screaming. Screaming because of despair.
"And you would really die for me?" He looked at me as if he still couldn't believe that I'd die for him without hesitation if I had to.
"Yes Taylor, that's my job." I assured him one more time. No matter if he wanted to fire me or not, nothing could change my mind anymore.
Taylor swallowed hard when he noticed how resolute I was and tried to blink away new upcoming tears.
"I don't know what to say..." He sobbed and began to fumble at his clufflinks, his breath coming in shaky little hiccups. His cramped posture kind of made him look a little clumsy and even more vulnerable.
"Let's get in the car first, we have to talk about few things," I said quietly, went the last few meters to my Lamborgini and opened the passenger door for him, then walked around to the drivers side.
Taylor nodded and we got in the car. Bandito was luckily still sleeping on the back seat.
"This job doesn't work if you don't trust me Taylor. I want to catch your fucking Stalker but I need your cooperation. It is therefore necessary that you trust me."
"I know. I want to trust you Blade. I really do. But to be honest, you scare me most of the time. And you are here to protect me and not to scare me. How can I act normally if I feel intimidated by you most of the time?"
Oh well, that was honest. But instead of being glad about his honesty, I found myself feel even more guilty after hearing that.
How could I question him for not appreciating my actions if he felt that way?
“You shouldn’t be scared around me Taylor, it is my job to protect you and not to hurt you. If I have to give my life on doing it, I'll do it, coz that's how this business works, you know. What I do to protect you might be intimidating for you, but that's because it's my job. Just don't forget there's a difference between work and private life. So just don’t piss me off and we’ll get along. Simple as that.”
In my brother’s current state and honesty, I thought he needed assurance. Well, at least he could be assured that I would do my part as his bodyguard. I'm not an expert of words and Taylor always had a better sense of sensitivity and empathy than I had. Through the life I led, maybe I already forgot tactfulness and how to deal right with emotions. I could only hope that he would take my words at face value this time.
“Well, yeah... I just don't know how to deal with it. Not only because of the danger of life, but I mean... that you protect me." His cheeks turned a shade of pink as he said that.
Somehow, it irritated me that it was about his ego again.
"Why do you have such a fucking problem with it Taylor?"
"Because, actually I should take care of you. Not the opposite. Isn't that awkward for you too?" He gave me a frown.
"Why do you think I would have a problem to take care of you because of that?"
"Because I'm the older one. It's mother nature!"
I groaned.
"Are we seriously talking about this little brother older brother bullshit now? How old are we? 6 and 8? Does it really matter? If you think closely about it Taylor, I'm only two fucking years younger than you which is NOTHING at our age. Besides to that, in how many families does a two age years difference really still matter after childhood? I'm honest Taylor, I don't give a flying fuck about this little brother - older brother bullshit!"
"Yeah but it's awkward and embarrassing for me anyway." Apparently my answer couldn't satisfy him.
"I think the real question Taylor is, would we have the same dumb conversation if we would have the same age, or if I would be a few weeks or months older than you? Why the hell should this fucking matter? It's about being there for each other. And you know best that I'm fucking able to take care of myself. Would I be fucking here otherwise?!?"
He sighed resigned after that.
"You are the weirdest little brother I ever met." He shook his head and for a moment a weak smile formed across his lips.
"No, I'm just a smartass." I smirked.
We silenced for a while, both in our own thoughts. I felt weird that Taylor actually managed to make me smile a little after everything. I noticed that he wanted to say something, coz he opened his mouth but apparently needed a few attempts until the words finally came out of his mouth.
"It's just because you know, the fact that my little brother does protect me instead of me doing it for him.” That was almost inaudibly. But I heard it.
Another tear rolled down his cheeks and he instinctively turned his face away from me. It was the first time that my famous brother Taylor Hanson admitted that he felt that I was doing his job. I didn't expect that he would have such a problem with it to be honest. Maybe my reaction was too rough again. Was I?
Would I feel different if I'd be in his situation? I honestly didn't know the answer.
He trailed off and I figured he was trying to work out how to put what he wanted to say. I kept silent until he pulled me out of my thoughts with another question.
"You... you probably internally make fun about me the whole time of what a effeminate weakling I am, right?"
Taylor was slowly going bright red. He sheepishly sniffed, wiped his eyes and bowed his head ashamed down that his long light blond hair strains covered a part of his face. His voice was weak and embarrassed. I remembered that Taylor had back then a slight complex because many people thought that he'd be a girl. He didn't look that girly anymore like he did back then, but he still had those slightly feminine and untypical delicate features which gave him his androgynous look. Taylor was in his late twenties and still had a innocent baby face which made him look young. His long blond eyebrows and his lips were elegantly curved in a very feminine manner and his cheeks were always pink, even when he wasn't blushing. Yeah, he looked like a blond angel with his cherubic face, his beauty and innocence was nearly inhuman.
His lips were a glossy shiny pink like he was using a lipgloss. Although maybe he did. I had no clue about those things.
As he let out a quiet embarrassed whimper I knew that I had to say something.
"No, that's not what I do. Yeah, I admit that I didn't think much of you the first time we met, coz you look like a stiff breeze can blow you over. That was my first impression of you. But that doesn't matter. Everyone would need a bodyguard in your situation Taylor. And you don't need to feel ashamed that I protect you."
"Well, it's not that simple..." Taylor shivered and let out a quite hiccup.
"I'm not trying to be mean Taylor, but what would you do if it will ever happen that you are suddenly in a dangerous situation and need my help? It might cost your life if you hesitate to shout for help after your little brother to come for you coz you feel too ashamed. You shouldn't let your embarrassment lead you, Taylor. In such a situation there's whether place nor time for pussy bullshit like that."
I didn't intend to hurt him with my sayings, but I knew that it was very important for him to visualize a dangerous situation in which every second counts.
"I know. I...I just feel so pathetic when I think about it." I could hear the wince in his voice as he spoke, it sounded almost strained. His voice was so small, his cheeks were blushed all over with shame and he looked shy and embarrassed.
"You don't need to feel that way Taylor. Really." I assured him. I laid my hand on his shoulder for a moment and looked at him intently.
"I try Blade, but I really need my time to get used that you are my bodyguard and I'm dependent from your protection. Please bear with me Blade. This is all so new and unusual for me..." Taylor beseeched me feebly and took a shuddering breath. He sank awkwardly deeper into his seat after that confession and pulled his legs onto the seat to his upper body as if he wanted to curl up into a ball.
"I see." I gave in after a while of silence. I sensed that I couldn't push him about it. Even though Taylor's and my age difference was in my opinion not even worth mentioning, I began to realize Taylor really needed his time to get used to it and that I just couldn't expect him to skip over the way he felt in a snap.
I didn't expect that Taylor could still be such a sensitive person to be honest. But I appreciated his honesty, coz I knew now how sensitive the subject was for him and that it wasn't easy for him to talk about it with me.
I really didn't want Taylor to feel ashamed because of me. If I could, I'd give him all the time he needed, the only problem was we didn't have that time. I didn't know how I could help him to get used to it, but I would try to be more considerate towards him, hoping he could get used to it soon.
Otherwise, we will have a very serious problem between us.
Taylor didn't make it easy for me to stay. It meant to protect a brother who wanted to get rid of me and felt ashamed of me. But I gave a promise and I carried a part of the guilt for scaring him... I could see that Taylor needed comfort and protection in his current sensitive state. And I was here as his bodyguard, so it was also part of my job to work on our cooperation. I had seen how scared he was this morning when I came in the hotel room and got a panic attack. Apparently, he had a nightmare because of watching the surveillance video with me. If I leave Taylor in his current weak and defenseless condition, he was an easy victim for his Stalker. Twink Twink would have an easy job to overpower him, kidnap him and do whatever he wanted to do with him if I don't stay and protect him. I sighed.
Hopefully, this would be the right decision...
"By the way, you look like a gangster with your ponytail, your dark sunglasses and your big black dog..." Taylor suddenly blurted out and made it obvious that he wanted to change the subject.
Instead of reacting to his remark, I answered with a counter question.
"Is that the reason why you don't trust me Taylor? Coz I really tried to do my job in the past few days, but honestly, I couldn't feel that you appreciated anything I did for you so far."
These words suddenly came out from my mouth for reasons unknown. But I felt that I had to speak them out in hope to find out the reason why he didn't trust me.
"It's just because you are so different. You have changed so much..." He shyly uttered out and gave me another timid look of appraisal. A pang of guilt shot through me, making me cold on the inside as I noticed how intimidated he was by me.
I silenced for a minute before I finally answered.
"Yeah. I know." I agreed quietly. He was right that I went through some very dark shit. And I didn't know what he would think about me, or if he'd still get to know me after he'd know more things about me. But I also knew that I wasn't innocent as well, coz I didn't give us a chance for a good start.
"If you'll let me, I'd like to get to know more about you Blade." He whispered almost.
"I don't think that's a good idea." I honestly confessed.
Because of Taylor's words a reflection of my life in the past few years ran through my head. Culprits I had to torture during investigations, enemies I had to kill to survive and in the end Santiago's accident which broke me and him down and ended our common Army time. Santiago was the reason why I accepted this job. I was with my brother because I was paying for a debt that could never be paid.
Not to mention all the disgusting things I had made with perverse costumers over the last year in my job as a pimp and my cocaine addiction on top of that. I was so absolutely and completely fucked up.
Who would still want to get to know such a person after all that?
That's why Taylor's answer surprised me even more.
"But I think so." He said and looked directly into my eyes for the first time during the conversation.
It felt good to talk calmly. To feel a little more relaxed after three days passed filled of anger and headaches.
But despite the fact that we finally found a normal state, didn't change that I was still hurt. And it was torturing me. I couldn't understand why Taylor didn't find the courage to finally tell me about it.
But now I was willing to give him more time and us a second start because I knew now that he cared.
He cared about me.
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Chapter Overview: Link
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Date: 2014-04-24 10:13 pm (UTC)Hopefully things will get better for both of them with a new beginning!
Awesome Chapter once again!