teamzaylor: (Zaylor - Zac & Tay)
[personal profile] teamzaylor

Chapter: 18
Rating: Nc-17
POV: Blade (Zac)
Summary: The death of their parents broke Taylor and Zac apart. Each of them went his own way of life, Taylor became a famous superstar and never thought that his profession would bring his life in danger someday. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contentedly in his dark and dirty world as a pimp. Because of some unexpected circumstances Blade got hired as Taylor's bodyguard and the brothers saw each other for the first time after almost a decade. How will they find a way to each other again after the past had put thick walls between them?

Authors Notes: Another The Bodyguard Update. We will update Chapter 19 as soon as possible, probably at the end of next week.

PS.: Please use the Chapter Overview or our inserted Links which will forward you to the next Chapter in the right order.

previous Chapter 17                                                                                                                                                                next Chapter 19


I stood there at the front stairs, waiting for Taylor. I felt dazed. As if I just came out a 4 hour movie I didn't understand.

Perhaps I was the King of all dicks, ruling over Dickland with my magical dick scepter, but I couldn't see any other way to show Taylor how much he hurt me that he left me alone nine years ago.

Apparently, Taylor didn't realize how much time I needed to let the past behind me. How many years I needed to not feel hurt anymore only because of his behaviour, that he ran away like a fucking coward and didn't realize how much we needed each other at that time in our lives.

I should have fucking known that it wasn't a good idea to come back to this house...

Clenching my fists, I kicked a small stone away while my ears caught attention of loud music booming out of the windows from the neighbor's house on the opposite side. I had heard the song from Linkin Park before, but I never listened to the lyrics intently until now.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface,
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired,
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do,
Is be more like me,
And be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me?

Fucking great. An accurate description of my feelings was exactly what I needed right now to feel better.


1-0 for my cursed fate again!

What the hell did Taylor expect? Apparently, he thought back then that I was matured enough to deal with everything alone, like I was unbreakable or something.

If he only knew how fucking wrong he was. I've never experienced how hard it could be to be alone and to feel lonely until that point in my life, how many times I've cried... Why couldn't he fucking try to understand my anger towards him?

Shouldn't it be his fucking knowledge to know that our parents wouldn't have wanted that he left me alone?!

Somehow, it felt to me as if I was the older brother when it comes to Taylor when we were young and apparently things still didn't change. Like it was the most normal thing in the world that our roles are twisted.

The situation back then at home was unbearable to me, it was the hardest time in my life, but my egoistic bitch of a brother preferred to piss off his fucking coward butt and let me deal with everything alone. He didn't even considered it as necessary to talk with me about our parents death and common grief. Instead of realizing how much we would have needed each other, he engulfed himself even more into his fucking music.

I couldn't understand how he could leave me alone with everything, even though he didn't have any problems to continue his fucking career. How the fuck could he be so selfish?

Taylor considered himself too good to share his sorrow with me back then. Apparently, nothing could stop himself from making music and his fucking obsession. Everything went so fucked up while he was away. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to start my life alone. I was a devastated young man. I just lost my parents and then all of a sudden, my only companion Taylor left me.

I've waited years for a life sign but Taylor thought that his fucking music was a better way to get over the sorrow instead of being thankful that he still had a brother who needed and would have appreciated his company back then when he chose his dream instead of mourning with his only family.

Instead that he realized how much we needed each other at that time, he preferred to continue his life in a bubble of dreams again and didn't stop at nothing for his fucking career without caring that his younger brother was left back behind.

I realized very soon that he wouldn't come back. Hard to believe he has been once the best brother and friend in the world for me. Back then, Taylor had been such a kind and caring person, he always had the biggest heart for other people.

We all have scars, we all have untold stories and different ways to handle death of close relatives but Taylor's way was so fucking incomprehensible for me.
He wasn't the only person who was in sorrow!

Why didn't he never try to talk to me at least and gave the two of us a chance to be there for each other..? Until today, he still had no idea how it felt like for me, and now he wondered why I was acting that way?!?

Apparently, he wasn't even interested to get to know how the hell I would try to move on.

Instead of talking to me, he had left my sixteen year old self in the dark looking for answers.
The only question I asked myself over and again was: Why?

I was longing for answers for years.
That was the picture of him that was left to me for years. Taylor was my older brother, but he died for me after years of hopeless waiting as I realized how fucking selfish he was.

No one and nothing could stop Taylor when it comes to his damn music and getting famous. Somehow, I envied his dead bitch, at least she didn't need to bear his fucking egoism anymore, unlike me...

And now, he had hired me as his bodyguard which meant that he was obviously planning to continue his fucking career again, no matter if his pregnant wife got killed or not.

I just needed to show him how cruel the world could be and how cruel he was to me back then.
Life is not always running away every time it gets hard.

My father had a framed picture with a quote in his office that I always liked.

We're all playing the same game, just on different levels. Having to deal with the same hell, just different devils...

Obviously, my brother still didn't live in reality coz I knew that he was searching for ways to escape again. But I wouldn't let him this time. It was high time for him to learn to come out of his fucking bubble of dreams.

I'm not a fucking coward who runs away, that's why I was still here.

That and Santiago. No other reason.

It was hard to deal with all these memories around me. Actually, I had sworn to myself to not let the fucking past affect me anymore. But obviously, it needed more energy than just a destroying fire of old belongings...

It took years for me to finally live a life, at least halfway contentedly after years of hoping and grieving.

But since I was here, my brother was trying to find a way to me.

I didn't see any other way to make him realize that there was no come back for me anymore.
If Taylor would know at least for once what he had done to me, he should fucking accept that I'm not a stupid little boy who would go back to our old life as if nothing ever happened!

I could never go back anymore. I already faced the past and the death of our parents and meanwhile I'm thankfully fucking done with it!

But I also knew that I couldn't let Santiago hanging, the only person which I consider as my family,
so unfortunately there was no other way than to do my cursed task. I'm definitely everything else but proud that Santiago and me had to kill people during our army operations but maybe there was no other way to keep Taylor at distance when I told him about it. All I could do now was to hope that this fucking job would be over as soon as possible before Taylor and I kill each other...

I sighed and walked back to my car again, opened the trunk in which I had put a carton with the items from the DIY market.

Taylor still sat there on the passenger seat, dreaming in his hallucinations. I wish I would have some coke to get in a state like that as well, but apparently I'm not that lucky.

I took the carton out of the trunk, tucked it under my arm and opened the passenger door for him.

"Get out now," I said, more calmly now.

He had his sunglasses on now, obviously, he also tried to hide his emotions behind them.


Awesome. Even nine years later we still have similarities, isn't that great?! I might puke.

He got out of the car and we walked back together to his house in silence.

Hopefully, he would have at least a ton of chocolate in the house for me to bear the rest of this stupid day!

previous Chapter 17                                                                                                                                                                next Chapter 19

Chapter Overview: Link

Date: 2013-12-05 08:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
great Chapter again! Zac really seems to be still hurt, I think it's understandable that he don't want to go back anymore
I also understand Taylor's side, if only Zac'd realize how much he needs Taylor as much as Taylor needs him. I hope they will soon talk with each other, they really need to!

The lyrics were perfect chosen again by the way.

Date: 2013-12-07 03:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thank you so much!! ♥♥♥

It means a lot us! We try very much to keep understanding for both sides in balance. And a clarifying conversation will definitely happen, but first we have some more insights from both sides to tell. ;)

Thanks for the appreciation about the song lyrics as well!!
We will update a new Chapter in 1 - 2 weeks.

Date: 2013-12-06 06:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Yay! For another chapter! :)

Zac and Taylor are both hurting and cannot really see that they still need each other. Maybe Taylor is more willing to try work things out, but -and I agree with Zac on this- he's still running away every time things get hard. Hopefully, he will try to fix things between him and Zac somehow. Which it's not gonna be easy.
And hopefully, Zac will be able to put his pain and anger aside and see that he loves Taylor still.


Date: 2013-12-07 04:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
thank you so much!! ♥♥♥

It means a lot us! We try very much to keep understanding for both sides in balance. A clarifying conversation will definitely happen, but first we have some more insights from both sides to tell. ;)
We will update a new Chapter in 1 - 2 weeks, thanks again! :)


teamzaylor: (Default)

December 2015


Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Oct. 22nd, 2017 04:36 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios