And with each mile

[teamzaylor]

CHAPTER 31: FUCK ME

Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
Credits & many Thanks to: Honor @beyondthethorns
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.




At this point the story has taken a very serious turn but it is still And with each Mile.
Here's the next Chapter

“Fuck me,” I said flatly.

He looked at me from across his kitchen and shook his head. “Go get changed into pajamas and lay down. There’s pajama pants in the bottom drawer of my dresser.”

“Zac, fuck me. I know you want to. I want you to, come on,” I said, stepping closer to him. We were back at his apartment. Jessica had dropped us off just moments before and although I’d been falling asleep in the car ride due to major jet lag, at the moment I was feeling energized and bold.

Zac sighed and turned his back to me. He went to his fridge and opened it, pulling out a bottle of corona and twisting the cap off. He tossed the cap into his sink and turned to me, taking a slow sip and leaning back against the counter. He set the beer down on the counter and then folded his arms over his chest, looking me over. “You can hardly handle giving a blow job Taylor. I think you’ve had enough excitement for a few days. Go get changed and jack off in my bathroom instead, kay? Be so kind as to use the tissues on the back of the toilet, I like to keep the place clean.”

I felt numb. I needed to feel something. I wanted to be close to him but forgiving him and going to him for comfort felt too intimidating. For some reason asking him for meaningless emotionless sex seemed like the better option.

“Oh so you’ll fuck 30 something different guys but not me? What’s wrong with me?”

“I don’t know, what IS wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with you Taylor? Standing here telling me to fuck you? Go fucking lay down. I’m not humoring you, you’re acting ridiculous,” Zachary said, turning and heading towards his bedroom drinking the beer.

I hadn’t seen his apartment too many times- just a few times every few months when I was dropping off something or picking him up for a family birthday dinner or something. I’d never spent actual time in his apartment. It was nice, downtown, modern and upscale looking. I had no idea how much he paid for the thing, he already had his own apartment at the age of 17, but he was turning 18 in a month, not even and I envied his freedom and ample spare time while my recreational activities only consisted of stuying for College.

“Put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, say your little prayers, and go to bed,” Zachary mumbled, walking into the bathroom and swinging the door closed. I hated when he treated me like I was still a kid but he didn't give a shit that I was the older one and he the younger one. 

I dug through Zachary’s drawers and sat down on the edge of his bed, pulling clothes off and putting on his pajamas pants. I ditched the shirt because he’d already seen me naked so what the fuck ever. I had a nice body anyway. I sighed and laid back on his bed. Okay, so I was glad he didn’t fuck me. Fucking relieved. I wouldn’t know HOW to get fucked even if I wanted to- it had been years. Not that there was that much to it- you just laid there and took it, but knowing me I’d fuck it up.

I laid there.

And I laid there.

And I- what the fuck was taking him so long?

After 15 minutes he came out in his boxers. He tossed his clothes down in a pile next to his laundry and looked at me. “The bathroom’s yours, and before you ask, you can sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t have a toothbrush.”

“Use your finger. Or a q tip. Bottom drawer, left hand side.” I hated using my fucking finger, and a q tip was even more revolting to think about brushing my teeth with. We used to have to use our fingers all on the time on tour when we’d go up into the hotel room and realize we left our toothbrushes down on the tour bus.

“I hate using my finger,” I mumbled, standing up and heading towards the bathroom.

He ignored me, which didn’t surprise me. He was acting mad and cold and I could tell he was angry with me. I didn’t know why though. I was the one angry with him. He was the selfish prick. What right did he have to be angry with anyone? I went into the bathroom and swung the door shut. Then I proceeded to look through his medicine cabinet. The most interesting items were Vicks vapor rub, which I love the smell of and had to take the top off just to sniff, a box of condoms which made me even more annoyed, and a tampon, which as you can imagine, just fucking freaked me out.

I checked his shower to see what kind of body wash he was using- axe. And then I checked to see if he was still using one of the cheapest shampoos known to man- Pert Plus. There’s nothing wrong with Pert Plus- but I find it entertaining that people always tell Zachary he has such great hair, what does he use? It was comforting to see that I knew him well enough to predict what he kept in his shower. Maybe it was silly, but it made the angry person out there who sometimes felt like such a stranger to me feel a little more familiar.

Once I’d brushed with my finger and washed my hands and peed, in that order too which was really rather stupid, I decided I was ready to go back out to him. He was lying on the bed with his arms behind his head staring at the ceiling. He didn’t glance at me when the bathroom door opened.

I walked over to the edge of the bed and looked down at him and although he didn’t turn his head, even in the dark I saw his eyes sweep towards me a little, although I’m sure he wouldn’t admit to acknowledging me. I just stood there silently for a moment trying to figure out what I wanted to say. “I’m glad you didn’t fuck me.” Brilliant Taylor, a true wordsmith.

He ignored me.

“I’m really angry with you,” I added.

Silence.

I sighed and shook my head, turning around and heading towards the bedroom. “Forget it. I’m going to lay down.”

I was starting to walk away when he finally spoke, which is how it always is with him- he only gives in at last minute.

“You have no right to be mad at me,” he said quietly.

I turned to look at him. “No right? I have no right? You were a complete asshole all day long! You were an asshole in Spain, you were an asshole on the plane, you were an asshole back at the house. Fuck you, I have a right to be mad at you.” I was feeling more aggressive than usual that day, but my emotions were so out of whack and my anger was getting the best of me. I knew I wasn’t acting like myself but damnit, neither was he.

“I was an asshole how?” He was sitting up now, finally acting like he wanted to have a discussion for the first time that day, a discussion about something besides what kind of snacks were in Mom and Dad’s refrigerator. “What, because I didn’t sit and cry with you and hug you and tell you how much I’m going to miss Dad? Fuck that, that’s not who I am. See reality Taylor like I do! You want tears, go to Jessica. You want comfort? Go to Mom. Don’t fucking expect that from me. You’re the asshole for expecting too much. I didn’t wrong you in any fucking way, Taylor, so I think you really need to reevaluate who the asshole in this situation is.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if he might possibly be right. I just shook my head and walked towards the living room. “I’m going to bed,” I said flatly. I didn’t know how else to respond. I didn’t want to believe that he was right, but I think I was already beginning to.

“Yeah you do that Taylor. Sleep tight. Make sure you cry for Dad a little since you’re the best mourner in the fucking family,” Zachary mumbled, and I heard him lay back and pull the covers higher. “Since you’re the only one who gives a shit….”

And I was, wasn’t I? I was the only one upset for Dad- himself included. I was the only one who was handling this right and actually hoping things would be okay. Everyone else was pathetic.

I rubbed my eyes and walked over to the couch, grabbing a blue blanket off the back of his couch and flopping down, pulling it over me. I felt exhausted- mentally and physically drained. I didn’t know what to say to him. I didn’t know if I even had anything justifiable to say in my defense. This was all too much to handle and maybe I wasn’t handling it right but I didn’t know how to. I didn’t know how much to accept it or how much to deny it, how much to cry and how much to keep my chin up and stay strong. I couldn’t cope and I needed him to help me, but maybe what I hadn’t considered was he needed me.

~
~

I could tell he was gone the moment I woke up. I can sense when he’s around and I can sense when he’s left me alone, and I could tell by the silence in the house the moment that I opened my eyes that he wasn’t there.

I sat up and looked around, sighing when I looked towards his bedroom and saw no one laying under the covers. I kicked the blue blanket off, and frowned when I saw another blanket on top of me. It was the gray comforter from Zac’s bed. I sighed and closed my eyes, laying back against the couch and just laying still for a moment. Fuck him for making it hard for me to hate him. I pulled myself up and stumbled towards the kitchen. I was worthless in the first 30 minutes I was awake. I usually drank a coffee and took a shower to get me to wake up. My mother used to say when I was a kid that my bowl of cereal was my cup of coffee. When I was younger I would stumble downstairs miserably and silently and I wouldn’t respond to anyone until I’d sat down at the counter in the kitchen and had my bowl of cereal.

On the counter was a pot of coffee, a cup and a note written in Zachary’s loopy hand writing.

Out. The remote is in the coffee table drawer and help yourself to food in pantry.

No ‘love -Zac’ that I’d gotten so used to again in emails. It was back to how it was when we were just platonic and distant and trying to move on.

I sat down on the stool and looked at the cup and the pot of coffee he’d set out for me and then I laid my head down on the counter and squeezed my eyes closed. It suddenly felt like our week together in Europe didn’t exist- the month of phone calls in the middle of the night never happened. Maybe I dreamed it all up. Maybe we should have known it was too good to be true- nothing that good ever lasted long. I was still mad at him, but now I was mad that no matter how rude and cold I was to him the day before, he was sweet back, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

Comments

[iwontbeafool.livejournal.com]

Awww.... I don't know what to feel about Zac. He's such an ass. The role is so perfect for him, too. Very intimidating. Taylor's bitchiness on the original plot was plausible but this switch is also really good....! You girls rock! And I'm so excited for the next chapter, haha! I think I remember this part... :D Love the banner, btw... ;)

[zacgirl1.livejournal.com]

I really wish for Taylor to Fight for Zac, for them like Zac did before. I know Zac is being way too cold toward Taylor, but he loves and needs him very much...

Amazing chapter :) I can't wait to see what happens next!

[elizabeth-ald.livejournal.com]

These two are making my head spin. Idk why I still find myself taking Taylor's side.. I have a feeling they might wind up platonic and not work out :-(

[teamzaylor.livejournal.com]

I find this Chapter kind of confusing. Taylor seems so lost in his feelings and don't what to do. I understand Zachary's view too,
but he shouldn't destroy Taylor's hope and optimism.

@iwontbeafool: thank you very much for the compliment about the banner I'm happy you like it. :) ♥♥

Will update another Chaper in the next let's say 10 hours....

[teamzaylor.livejournal.com]

Chapter 32 is online

[malfunkshon.livejournal.com]

What's going on with these two.... hang on, I have another chapter to read. Bye!