And with each mile
Nov. 23rd, 2012 09:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teamzaylorCHAPTER 15: GUILT
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
Credits & many Thanks to: Honor @beyondthethorns
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.
I raised my eyes at him questionably. That was rather presumptuous and blunt.
“I’m saying that we’re both exhausted, I’m sure,” he corrected himself. “You need sleep. Take a mental health day. Relax.”
“I won’t relax if I know I’m missing class. I’ll be worrying about it all day and I’ll drive you nuts stressing out about it. Let me go to my class and I’ll see you for lunch or something.”
I admit it; I’m anal about attending class. In fact, I’m anal about quite a lot of things but I just don’t like to mess up.
I like to do things right so people are happy and I can be happy too. It’s really very simple: avoid disappointing people and you won’t be disappointed either. Sometimes I wanted to just kick back and sleep in, but I never could really force myself. I always stressed out about offending my professor or missing some important lecture that would eventually screw me over at exam time. I wasn’t dumb, but I wasn’t one of those brilliant people who just knew answers without studying. I needed all the lectures I could get.
“C’mon Tay, you are too serious all the time.”
“And you’re not serious enough… not about important stuff.”
“What do you mean I’m not serious enough? There’s nothing for me to be serious about!”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I sighed and fixed my hair in the mirror the best I could but running my fingers through it. “You’ve spent the last few months running around Los Angeles, screwing random guys, and escaping any responsibility you should actually have.”
Zachary frowned and sat up. He looked at me in the mirror. I guess I was being kind of cruel but reading his cell phone had really set me off, I think.
“Excuse me? What the fuck do you know about what I’ve been doing the last few months? You were ignoring me the whole time anyway!”
“Calm down.”
“Why does everyone always have to calm down, Taylor?” Zac challenged me, sliding to the edge of the bed and glaring at me in the mirror. I quickly looked out the window to escape his accusing eyes. “You acted like you didn’t care and you were fine and everything was honky dory the past few years. I’m sick of being so goddamn calm about this. How dare you talk to me about the years that you never even gave me the time of day.”
“Didn’t give you the time of day? You were gallivanting around Califuckinfornia!”
Zachary sprung to his feet and grabbed me by the arm. He whipped me around to look at him and stared me down with an anger that I’d seen in him when he looked at strangers.
“What did you do that was so fucking great, Taylor? You sat at home avoiding me whenever I was around, avoiding my phone calls, finishing your lame fucking high-school-diploma and dating… dating girls.”
I didn’t know what to say. He’d never been so mean to me, but I guess I should have expected it.
“I only dated one girl.” It was the only thing I could think to say. Everything else felt too complicated. “And I hated it. And so did you anyway.”
Zac rolled his eyes and let go of my arm. He stepped away from me and turned his back to me. I couldn’t hear anything, but I could see his chest rise and fall so I knew he was sighing.
“We don’t usually fight like this…” I said to his back nervously.
“You’re not usually stupid like this.”
I paused. Anything I said could make the situation worse.
I didn’t want to bring up his Blackberry, but I felt like I had no choice. I was acting weird and he had to know why.
“I’m acting stupid because it really pisses me off to think about what you did in Los Angeles… who you hung out with in Tulsa when I was at home studying.”
“I invited you out with me! I asked you over and over again to come out and party with me but you always said you preferred studying for college than hanging out with me and my “retarded friends.” How many times did you refuse sleeping over at my apartment?”
“You know damn well I couldn’t have slept over there and you know why too. We were trying to move on, Zachary. I was only doing what we had decided to do.”
“Yeah, living your life without actually feeling.” He shook his head angrily and muttered, “Why are you bringing this up right now anyway?”
I sighed. I had to say it. I didn’t know how mad he would be, but I guess I was willing to find out. “I was looking at your Blackberry. You have a ton of names in it. Guys names.”
He turned and looked at me and I could see he was struggling with feeling guilty and angry. He decided to be angry first because that’s Zachary’s first reaction to everything. What scared me was he wasn’t usually like that with me.
“Why were you looking at my shit Taylor? I don’t go around snooping on your cell phone.”
“That’s because you wouldn’t find anything interesting except a few home phone numbers of professors in case of collegiate emergencies and Grandma’s new cell phone number.”
I hoped he might find that amusing, but he just narrowed his eyes more at me.
“It’s because I respect you enough not to go spying on you,” he said and shook his head furiously. Then he just sighed and climbed back into bed. He crawled to the top and pulled the covers over his head. “Whatever. Have fun in class.”
I began to walk away, unsettled that he was angry with me but satisfied that we weren’t screaming at each other.
I could handle anger as long as he didn’t explode at me. Zachary’s explosions were scary and I was just fortunate they’d never been directed at me before. As I turned the doorknob, I changed my mind. He owed me an explanation, didn’t he? I’d waited for him for so long. I’d shoved away relationships and attractive guys and high school partying because I wanted him and only him, and he’d accumulated an alphabetical list of quick fucks? How the hell was that fair?
“Why do you have so many guys in your phone? Exactly how many people did you say you’d slept with?”
He was quiet for a moment. He didn’t say anything or move at all so I began to wonder if he’d fallen asleep that quickly. Finally, I heard him take a quick breath of air. “Just go to class Taylor.”
“Why was it so easy for you to trade me in?” It took a lot of will to ask it because I never really stood up to Zac… not as much as I should have at least. But if I didn’t ask, I’d always wonder and I didn’t think I could have that looming above me for the rest of eternity.
He paused again. Complete silence. I turned the door handle and it pierced through the silence.
“Zac?”
“Go to class,” he repeated and then crawled down further underneath the covers.
And so, because it seemed that everything I did in my life was for Zachary, I took one final look at him, stepped out into the floral hallway, and went to class.
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
Credits & many Thanks to: Honor @beyondthethorns
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.
I raised my eyes at him questionably. That was rather presumptuous and blunt.
“I’m saying that we’re both exhausted, I’m sure,” he corrected himself. “You need sleep. Take a mental health day. Relax.”
“I won’t relax if I know I’m missing class. I’ll be worrying about it all day and I’ll drive you nuts stressing out about it. Let me go to my class and I’ll see you for lunch or something.”
I admit it; I’m anal about attending class. In fact, I’m anal about quite a lot of things but I just don’t like to mess up.
I like to do things right so people are happy and I can be happy too. It’s really very simple: avoid disappointing people and you won’t be disappointed either. Sometimes I wanted to just kick back and sleep in, but I never could really force myself. I always stressed out about offending my professor or missing some important lecture that would eventually screw me over at exam time. I wasn’t dumb, but I wasn’t one of those brilliant people who just knew answers without studying. I needed all the lectures I could get.
“C’mon Tay, you are too serious all the time.”
“And you’re not serious enough… not about important stuff.”
“What do you mean I’m not serious enough? There’s nothing for me to be serious about!”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I sighed and fixed my hair in the mirror the best I could but running my fingers through it. “You’ve spent the last few months running around Los Angeles, screwing random guys, and escaping any responsibility you should actually have.”
Zachary frowned and sat up. He looked at me in the mirror. I guess I was being kind of cruel but reading his cell phone had really set me off, I think.
“Excuse me? What the fuck do you know about what I’ve been doing the last few months? You were ignoring me the whole time anyway!”
“Calm down.”
“Why does everyone always have to calm down, Taylor?” Zac challenged me, sliding to the edge of the bed and glaring at me in the mirror. I quickly looked out the window to escape his accusing eyes. “You acted like you didn’t care and you were fine and everything was honky dory the past few years. I’m sick of being so goddamn calm about this. How dare you talk to me about the years that you never even gave me the time of day.”
“Didn’t give you the time of day? You were gallivanting around Califuckinfornia!”
Zachary sprung to his feet and grabbed me by the arm. He whipped me around to look at him and stared me down with an anger that I’d seen in him when he looked at strangers.
“What did you do that was so fucking great, Taylor? You sat at home avoiding me whenever I was around, avoiding my phone calls, finishing your lame fucking high-school-diploma and dating… dating girls.”
I didn’t know what to say. He’d never been so mean to me, but I guess I should have expected it.
“I only dated one girl.” It was the only thing I could think to say. Everything else felt too complicated. “And I hated it. And so did you anyway.”
Zac rolled his eyes and let go of my arm. He stepped away from me and turned his back to me. I couldn’t hear anything, but I could see his chest rise and fall so I knew he was sighing.
“We don’t usually fight like this…” I said to his back nervously.
“You’re not usually stupid like this.”
I paused. Anything I said could make the situation worse.
I didn’t want to bring up his Blackberry, but I felt like I had no choice. I was acting weird and he had to know why.
“I’m acting stupid because it really pisses me off to think about what you did in Los Angeles… who you hung out with in Tulsa when I was at home studying.”
“I invited you out with me! I asked you over and over again to come out and party with me but you always said you preferred studying for college than hanging out with me and my “retarded friends.” How many times did you refuse sleeping over at my apartment?”
“You know damn well I couldn’t have slept over there and you know why too. We were trying to move on, Zachary. I was only doing what we had decided to do.”
“Yeah, living your life without actually feeling.” He shook his head angrily and muttered, “Why are you bringing this up right now anyway?”
I sighed. I had to say it. I didn’t know how mad he would be, but I guess I was willing to find out. “I was looking at your Blackberry. You have a ton of names in it. Guys names.”
He turned and looked at me and I could see he was struggling with feeling guilty and angry. He decided to be angry first because that’s Zachary’s first reaction to everything. What scared me was he wasn’t usually like that with me.
“Why were you looking at my shit Taylor? I don’t go around snooping on your cell phone.”
“That’s because you wouldn’t find anything interesting except a few home phone numbers of professors in case of collegiate emergencies and Grandma’s new cell phone number.”
I hoped he might find that amusing, but he just narrowed his eyes more at me.
“It’s because I respect you enough not to go spying on you,” he said and shook his head furiously. Then he just sighed and climbed back into bed. He crawled to the top and pulled the covers over his head. “Whatever. Have fun in class.”
I began to walk away, unsettled that he was angry with me but satisfied that we weren’t screaming at each other.
I could handle anger as long as he didn’t explode at me. Zachary’s explosions were scary and I was just fortunate they’d never been directed at me before. As I turned the doorknob, I changed my mind. He owed me an explanation, didn’t he? I’d waited for him for so long. I’d shoved away relationships and attractive guys and high school partying because I wanted him and only him, and he’d accumulated an alphabetical list of quick fucks? How the hell was that fair?
“Why do you have so many guys in your phone? Exactly how many people did you say you’d slept with?”
He was quiet for a moment. He didn’t say anything or move at all so I began to wonder if he’d fallen asleep that quickly. Finally, I heard him take a quick breath of air. “Just go to class Taylor.”
“Why was it so easy for you to trade me in?” It took a lot of will to ask it because I never really stood up to Zac… not as much as I should have at least. But if I didn’t ask, I’d always wonder and I didn’t think I could have that looming above me for the rest of eternity.
He paused again. Complete silence. I turned the door handle and it pierced through the silence.
“Zac?”
“Go to class,” he repeated and then crawled down further underneath the covers.
And so, because it seemed that everything I did in my life was for Zachary, I took one final look at him, stepped out into the floral hallway, and went to class.
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no subject
Date: 2012-11-23 09:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-23 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-23 10:51 pm (UTC)I'm loving this so much...I need more, please :)
no subject
Date: 2012-11-24 03:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-11-24 12:18 pm (UTC)Curious what you will think about it. Enjoy Chapter 16! ♥