Title: INK
Aug. 12th, 2012 09:10 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teamzaylorCHAPTER 19:
YOU JUST SAID THE FAGGOT IS OUT OF THE PICTURE
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Slash / Hanson / Hancest / Zaylor / Drama
Warnings: Language, Drug use, Slash, Sex
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
Credits & many Thanks: to heart_iswild
http://heart-iswild.livejournal.com
Notes: Hanson ain't famous in this Story, but Taylor is in a band called Aphrodite. Don't wonder about Taylor's tattoo ;-)
Comments: There are only two chapters left. Woooo. ALSO: This chapter is mostly from Taylor's POV, so it'll give you some of his perspective.
Zac.
Things got weird after that. I came home that night in a pissed-off mood, ready to fucking murder anybody who looked at me the wrong way. When dad tried to talk to me, I told him to fuck off. When Ike tried to talk to me, I told him to fuck off. When Mac and Avery came and asked if they could borrow my Basketball, I told them to fuck off. When mom asked me to feed Zoe and defrost the ham for dinner, I politely, of course, told her to fuck off.
I didn’t want to be around them. I had already resigned myself to living a life that revolved around Taylor, which at the time, seemed like a good idea. Now, I was sentenced to a grim fate. A life without my baby.
I didn’t talk to anybody for a few days. They steered clear of me, even the grandparents, who were usually completely oblivious to anything that mattered. Everybody knew I was on edge and to them, I probably seemed angry. But having taken the time to think about everything…I realized I was just sad. I missed him so much. I’d alienated my friends and Isaac and my team for Taylor, and then he just went off to fuck Eli and left me in the dust.
I felt….heartbroken. Nothing that even resembled that feeling had ever taken me under before, and this shit was really fucking drowning me. It took everything I had not to pick up the phone and call him. I wanted to. Fuck, I wanted to. But I didn’t. If I did everything I had the impulse to do in life, there would be a lottt of dead people lying around and a lottt of Sonic chili cheese tots in my house right then. But sometimes, self restraint was the smarter option.
“Zac.” Knock knock knock. “Zac, can we talk?” It was Isaac’s voice on the other side of the door.
“No, fuck off.”
“Fuck you, I’m coming in.”
The door opened and closed behind Isaac, who then sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me with this strange expression. Was it…concern? Was it possible for Isaac to even feel that?
“What do you want,” I demanded, hardly in the mood to be polite.
“I want to know what the fuck has been up with you lately. You’re acting like a dick.”
“I am a dick.”
He sighed. “You’ve changed a lot since you started fucking Taylor.”
I felt my cheeks heat up with shame. Isaac and I hadn’t really ever talked about this. Hell, we’d barely spoken at all since Taylor and I became an item. I felt guilty, all of a sudden, for being with him.
“Well. We’re not fucking anymore. He’s fucking with some shithead that he lives with now.” I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand and spit out the window. “Well, what the fuck ever. It’s probably better for everyone.”
Ike looked at me for a moment and leaned against the wall, letting out a tired sigh.
“Listen, Zac. I miss you. I want things to go back to the way they were.”
“They can’t.”
“And why not? You just said the Faggot is out of the picture. Why can’t things go back to normal?”
“One, don’t call him a Faggot. Two, because I’m not that person anymore,” I told him, shaking my head. “I. He fucked with me. I have like. Feelings now.” A laugh escaped Isaac’s lips, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You think that’s fucking funny, prick?”
“I just. This whole situation is fuckin’ sick.”
“Then keep pretending like I don’t exist if you’re so grossed out by me.”
“Now you know how Taylor felt.”
“Yeah, like shit. He hates himself because of us. How we treated him and shit. If you wanna do that to me too, then do it. I’m stronger than he is.”
Isaac sighed again, picking at his fingers and shaking his head.
“I just said I wanted things to go back to how they were. I’m not trying to shun you or whatever. I want you back as my brother and best friend.”
“I don’t know if I can be your best friend right now,” I started honestly, resting my head against the wall. “But I can be your brother.”
A smile twitched up the corner of Isaac’s mouth before he looked at me. “That’s a good start.”
Taylor.
Dear Diary
I didn’t know what to do without Zac. Eli was trying. He was trying to pamper me and take care of me, but I felt like all I could do was cry. Band practice was miserable because the only melodies in my head were somber and dull. I wished I would be good at play drums, because playing on the piano didn’t let out my frustration and sadness.
In some ways I resented Eli, in some I resented Zac, and the rest of the blame was put on me. If Eli hadn’t have acted that way, Zac wouldn’t have gone all freaking mental and left. If I had the balls to chase after him, maybe he would’ve listened when I said that Eli and I didn’t have anything. Now, Eli was trying to take the spot that Zac had been occupying for so long, and it just felt….wrong.
***********************************
The first time Eli and I had sex was a disaster. We had been sitting on my mattress and drinking red wine, and his fingertips were trailing up and down my stomach for a while. I had figured out after only a few days that Eli liked to get me drunk. Usually I was less of a downer when I was drunk.
“Tay,” Eli whispered into my ear, taking my sixth glass of wine from my hand and placing it on the end table. “I think I love you.”
It wasn’t a surprise to hear that- I had known for a long, long time that Eli had feelings for me. To be honest I wasn’t even sure that he was gay at first, but the way he treated me was different than the way he treated everybody else. He was always very gentle with me, and he was sympathetic and kind and comforting whenever I needed him to be.
“I…”
“You don’t need to say it back,” he whispered, his breath washing over my face. “I know you don’t love me. I don’t expect you to. Yet.”
I felt pressured when he told me that. That meant that he expected me to fall in love with him at some point, and I just wasn’t sure that it would happen. Zac had been my whole world and my heart was drowned in him. Eli was a great person, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love him.
Suddenly, Eli’s lips were on mine. They were different than Zac’s- firmer, smoother, and not as puffy. They meshed with mine more easily but it felt wrong. He was so…soft with me. His fingertips eased beneath my shirt and up my stomach, and it was only a moment before he was urging me to sit up so he could undress me. My mind was foggy and I was so desperate to feel love, now that I knew me and Zac were over for good, that I felt obliged.
It was weird when he laid me back down on the bed. Eli took the liberty of unzipping my pants and tossing them onto the floor to join my shirt, and then there I was, in my underwear. We’d seen each other in our underpants a million times, but this was different. Now, there were intentions. Reasons that I was undressing. My cheeks heated up and Eli laughed softly as I tried to cover my lower body with my hands.
“Don’t be nervous, baby,” he laughed, running his fingertips along my neck. Yeah, right.
His lips descended on mine again, and I closed my eyes and tried to pretend it was Zac. But his lips felt wrong, and his body on top of mine felt wrong, and it especially felt wrong when we were rubbing together for the first time and his erection was pressed against my semi-hard penis. I didn’t even know why I was doing it, really. I felt like I owed Eli, like he’d think I was a loser if I didn’t. Because he was treating me so nicely and it would be dumb for me to deny him what he wanted.
And then there was the part of me that was longing to be touched. Not so much for the physicality of it; I mostly just wanted to feel…wanted. And especially loved. So I didn’t protest when he coaxed me into bending my knees and spreading them apart so he could lube me up.
My eyes stayed on the flickering candle flames that burned from my end table. It was much easier to watch everything that was going on around me and pretend that the touches I was feeling were Zac’s, that the fingers inside of me were Zac’s. Eli’s breathing was becoming more labored as he got more aroused, and it made my stomach tense up when I realized what was coming. I kept my eyes on the flames as he wedged the tip of his penis inside of me, squeaked and bit my lip until he was completely inside, his face hovering over mine.
“Tay,” he breathed. “Tay baby. Look at me.” I didn’t want to look at him, though. I didn’t want it shoved down my throat even more that it wasn’t Zac’s face hovering over mine. But I crumbled when I noticed his hesitancy.
Slowly, I turned my attention to his face. He looked upset. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, reaching up and cupping his stubbly cheek. “I. You can go ahead.”
“Do you really want me to?” His voice was full of questioning and concern, but I couldn’t tell him no. That wouldn’t have been right of me.
“Yeah.”
So began the long decent to hell. All I could focus on was how his thrusts weren’t like Zac’s- he was being too careful with me, like I was a woman or something. He wouldn’t kiss me while we were doing it. He didn’t sweat or get passionate like Zac did. There was no fire in his eyes when I looked there, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying when the tears came.
Nobody would ever replace him.
YOU JUST SAID THE FAGGOT IS OUT OF THE PICTURE
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Slash / Hanson / Hancest / Zaylor / Drama
Warnings: Language, Drug use, Slash, Sex
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
Credits & many Thanks: to heart_iswild
http://heart-iswild.livejournal.com
Notes: Hanson ain't famous in this Story, but Taylor is in a band called Aphrodite. Don't wonder about Taylor's tattoo ;-)
Comments: There are only two chapters left. Woooo. ALSO: This chapter is mostly from Taylor's POV, so it'll give you some of his perspective.
Zac.
Things got weird after that. I came home that night in a pissed-off mood, ready to fucking murder anybody who looked at me the wrong way. When dad tried to talk to me, I told him to fuck off. When Ike tried to talk to me, I told him to fuck off. When Mac and Avery came and asked if they could borrow my Basketball, I told them to fuck off. When mom asked me to feed Zoe and defrost the ham for dinner, I politely, of course, told her to fuck off.
I didn’t want to be around them. I had already resigned myself to living a life that revolved around Taylor, which at the time, seemed like a good idea. Now, I was sentenced to a grim fate. A life without my baby.
I didn’t talk to anybody for a few days. They steered clear of me, even the grandparents, who were usually completely oblivious to anything that mattered. Everybody knew I was on edge and to them, I probably seemed angry. But having taken the time to think about everything…I realized I was just sad. I missed him so much. I’d alienated my friends and Isaac and my team for Taylor, and then he just went off to fuck Eli and left me in the dust.
I felt….heartbroken. Nothing that even resembled that feeling had ever taken me under before, and this shit was really fucking drowning me. It took everything I had not to pick up the phone and call him. I wanted to. Fuck, I wanted to. But I didn’t. If I did everything I had the impulse to do in life, there would be a lottt of dead people lying around and a lottt of Sonic chili cheese tots in my house right then. But sometimes, self restraint was the smarter option.
“Zac.” Knock knock knock. “Zac, can we talk?” It was Isaac’s voice on the other side of the door.
“No, fuck off.”
“Fuck you, I’m coming in.”
The door opened and closed behind Isaac, who then sat on the edge of my bed and looked at me with this strange expression. Was it…concern? Was it possible for Isaac to even feel that?
“What do you want,” I demanded, hardly in the mood to be polite.
“I want to know what the fuck has been up with you lately. You’re acting like a dick.”
“I am a dick.”
He sighed. “You’ve changed a lot since you started fucking Taylor.”
I felt my cheeks heat up with shame. Isaac and I hadn’t really ever talked about this. Hell, we’d barely spoken at all since Taylor and I became an item. I felt guilty, all of a sudden, for being with him.
“Well. We’re not fucking anymore. He’s fucking with some shithead that he lives with now.” I rubbed my nose with the back of my hand and spit out the window. “Well, what the fuck ever. It’s probably better for everyone.”
Ike looked at me for a moment and leaned against the wall, letting out a tired sigh.
“Listen, Zac. I miss you. I want things to go back to the way they were.”
“They can’t.”
“And why not? You just said the Faggot is out of the picture. Why can’t things go back to normal?”
“One, don’t call him a Faggot. Two, because I’m not that person anymore,” I told him, shaking my head. “I. He fucked with me. I have like. Feelings now.” A laugh escaped Isaac’s lips, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “You think that’s fucking funny, prick?”
“I just. This whole situation is fuckin’ sick.”
“Then keep pretending like I don’t exist if you’re so grossed out by me.”
“Now you know how Taylor felt.”
“Yeah, like shit. He hates himself because of us. How we treated him and shit. If you wanna do that to me too, then do it. I’m stronger than he is.”
Isaac sighed again, picking at his fingers and shaking his head.
“I just said I wanted things to go back to how they were. I’m not trying to shun you or whatever. I want you back as my brother and best friend.”
“I don’t know if I can be your best friend right now,” I started honestly, resting my head against the wall. “But I can be your brother.”
A smile twitched up the corner of Isaac’s mouth before he looked at me. “That’s a good start.”
Taylor.
Dear Diary
I didn’t know what to do without Zac. Eli was trying. He was trying to pamper me and take care of me, but I felt like all I could do was cry. Band practice was miserable because the only melodies in my head were somber and dull. I wished I would be good at play drums, because playing on the piano didn’t let out my frustration and sadness.
In some ways I resented Eli, in some I resented Zac, and the rest of the blame was put on me. If Eli hadn’t have acted that way, Zac wouldn’t have gone all freaking mental and left. If I had the balls to chase after him, maybe he would’ve listened when I said that Eli and I didn’t have anything. Now, Eli was trying to take the spot that Zac had been occupying for so long, and it just felt….wrong.
***********************************
The first time Eli and I had sex was a disaster. We had been sitting on my mattress and drinking red wine, and his fingertips were trailing up and down my stomach for a while. I had figured out after only a few days that Eli liked to get me drunk. Usually I was less of a downer when I was drunk.
“Tay,” Eli whispered into my ear, taking my sixth glass of wine from my hand and placing it on the end table. “I think I love you.”
It wasn’t a surprise to hear that- I had known for a long, long time that Eli had feelings for me. To be honest I wasn’t even sure that he was gay at first, but the way he treated me was different than the way he treated everybody else. He was always very gentle with me, and he was sympathetic and kind and comforting whenever I needed him to be.
“I…”
“You don’t need to say it back,” he whispered, his breath washing over my face. “I know you don’t love me. I don’t expect you to. Yet.”
I felt pressured when he told me that. That meant that he expected me to fall in love with him at some point, and I just wasn’t sure that it would happen. Zac had been my whole world and my heart was drowned in him. Eli was a great person, but I didn’t think I’d ever be able to love him.
Suddenly, Eli’s lips were on mine. They were different than Zac’s- firmer, smoother, and not as puffy. They meshed with mine more easily but it felt wrong. He was so…soft with me. His fingertips eased beneath my shirt and up my stomach, and it was only a moment before he was urging me to sit up so he could undress me. My mind was foggy and I was so desperate to feel love, now that I knew me and Zac were over for good, that I felt obliged.
It was weird when he laid me back down on the bed. Eli took the liberty of unzipping my pants and tossing them onto the floor to join my shirt, and then there I was, in my underwear. We’d seen each other in our underpants a million times, but this was different. Now, there were intentions. Reasons that I was undressing. My cheeks heated up and Eli laughed softly as I tried to cover my lower body with my hands.
“Don’t be nervous, baby,” he laughed, running his fingertips along my neck. Yeah, right.
His lips descended on mine again, and I closed my eyes and tried to pretend it was Zac. But his lips felt wrong, and his body on top of mine felt wrong, and it especially felt wrong when we were rubbing together for the first time and his erection was pressed against my semi-hard penis. I didn’t even know why I was doing it, really. I felt like I owed Eli, like he’d think I was a loser if I didn’t. Because he was treating me so nicely and it would be dumb for me to deny him what he wanted.
And then there was the part of me that was longing to be touched. Not so much for the physicality of it; I mostly just wanted to feel…wanted. And especially loved. So I didn’t protest when he coaxed me into bending my knees and spreading them apart so he could lube me up.
My eyes stayed on the flickering candle flames that burned from my end table. It was much easier to watch everything that was going on around me and pretend that the touches I was feeling were Zac’s, that the fingers inside of me were Zac’s. Eli’s breathing was becoming more labored as he got more aroused, and it made my stomach tense up when I realized what was coming. I kept my eyes on the flames as he wedged the tip of his penis inside of me, squeaked and bit my lip until he was completely inside, his face hovering over mine.
“Tay,” he breathed. “Tay baby. Look at me.” I didn’t want to look at him, though. I didn’t want it shoved down my throat even more that it wasn’t Zac’s face hovering over mine. But I crumbled when I noticed his hesitancy.
Slowly, I turned my attention to his face. He looked upset. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, reaching up and cupping his stubbly cheek. “I. You can go ahead.”
“Do you really want me to?” His voice was full of questioning and concern, but I couldn’t tell him no. That wouldn’t have been right of me.
“Yeah.”
So began the long decent to hell. All I could focus on was how his thrusts weren’t like Zac’s- he was being too careful with me, like I was a woman or something. He wouldn’t kiss me while we were doing it. He didn’t sweat or get passionate like Zac did. There was no fire in his eyes when I looked there, and I couldn’t stop myself from crying when the tears came.
Nobody would ever replace him.
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no subject
Date: 2012-08-13 02:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-13 02:43 am (UTC)Fuuuuu....damnit Taylor. I understand why he did it...he's so damn broken that it totally fit.
And I wanna castrate Eli!