teamzaylor: (teenage Zaylor)
Chapter 41: Change - Part 1

Rating: NC-17
Genre: Zaylor / Hancest
Pairing: Zac & Taylor
About the story: Zac & Taylor's relationship broke up when they got caught kissing by the press and their career were over in a split of a second. To continue a normal life and to take a break from his brother, Taylor starts to study at a College in London but the long distance between them can't stop their feelings for each other.
Notes: Hello guys, we know it's almost a year ago since we updated "And with each Mile." We hope you haven't forgotten this story by now, we've finally written two new Chapters which are from Zac's POV.
And with each Mile: Chapter Overview: CLICK HERE

40-01

Hope you enjoy Chapter 41 - part 1! ♡♡♡


Zac:

Things changed for me at that evening.

When I arrived, at the party I was in a good mood and wanted to party with my old clique about the good news that Taylor and I were together again and would start to make music together after almost three years of missing it.

But I realized very soon that my old clique wasn't the right company to expect understanding about an incestual relationship. They all heard about the incest scandal through the media two years ago, and that it broke down everything for us, so none of them would have ever thought that the Love between Taylor and me was still burning.

I figured that it was better to keep them in belief that between us wasn't more than a normal brotherly relationship.

Usually I didn't give a fuck of what they thought about me, but since Taylor and me were finally together again, he would be involved in their reactions. And I wasn't sure if I was able to control myself if they would begin mocking us.

I was glad that none of them asked questions, coz I wasn't sure if Scott already told them about my visit to L.A.

Instead of partying with my old friends I just sat there, drank a disgusting cheap red wine and contemplated about the unavoidable questions, if I wanted to get back to my old life without worrying about anyone and live from day to day or to run another path, the complicated path with obstacles on its way without knowing if an happy ending would ever be realistic?

Would Taylor and me ever be able to live a happy life in public over years? Were we just too young to realize what we're doing? And most of all, was my Love for Taylor important enough to put him in the pillory?

As much as Taylor's optimism was endearingly, he wasn't the right companion to talk about these things. I loved him and he loved me, but his imagination of perfect Love wasn't helpful for a realistic point of view.

I wanted to believe that I was worth it to deserve his Love, but who could give me an advice in relationship questions which includes incest?

I was always convinced that Taylor and me were meant for each other but when I watched how a few of my party mates were making fun about a kissing gay couple on the dance floor, I immediately changed my mind to tell them about our reunited relationship. I was glad that Taylor didn't come with me and saw the scene, I knew it would have hurt him.

It disappointed me that I couldn't even rely on my old party clique when it comes to the point. Those so called wanna be adults had no fucking clue and sense about tolerance.

Being in a relationship with my own brother brought my life to a point in which I became to see who are my real friends and who are just good to party with.

It felt weird and I couldn't say if it was positive or negative yet. For the first time in my life I felt a strange feeling of void and loneliness building up in me.

How fucking dramatic, right?

I needed time, time to figure out what was best for Taylor, for me, for us...

So instead of getting drunk, I said goodbye to my fake friends earlier than I intended, grabbed a soda in hope it would make me sober again and started my way towards the beach to find my brother.

I wasn't even hundred meters away from the club when a familiar voice catcalled me.

"Zachary, hey Zachary Hanson."

I turned around to see an old friend of mine, Mike Waters.

"Hey Zachary, how is it going?" He asked and ran up to me. He hadn't changed since I saw him the last time, he was still dressed in worn shabby clothes, matching to his shaggy blond hair. In a way he reminded me of Taylor, he was also a dreamer. They both had that sense of intuition, the ability to look through things, to imagine how they might be...

The difference between them was that Mike worked as a rent boy. Actually he came from Portland, but L.A. offered more possibilities to earn money for someone who lived on the streets. Mike didn't come from a picture book family like Scott.

Just like me, he also didn't get along with his family, but to me he was always one of those rare people with which you get along with, without needing big words.

"Trust me you don't want my company Mike." I exclaimed bitterly. I was still pissed about the disappointment from those fucking homophobics friends that I didn't want to waste one more minute with them.

Even though I knew Mike experienced more obscure things in his life than most of us could ever imagine, I didn't know how he would think about a incestual relationship and if he could deal with it.

"How do you know that?" He asked, obviously surprised about my cold respond.

I turned to him and glared directly in his eyes. As I already just lost a bunch of friends, it wouldn't make a difference to lose one more. So I would make it easy for him.

"I'm in a sexual relationship with my brother." I blurted out. "If you can't deal with that, then you better piss off and leave me alone." I turned back to him and started my way away from him again.

"Zachary..." he began again.

Mike had never been a friend of nicknames. He always called people by their full names.

"I can deal with it." He answered, his voice sounded a little intimidated about my rough snarl.

But I just didn't need the company of another fake friend.

"Really? Think twice about what you just said Mike. Usually people like to pretend that our relationship isn't more than a bad joke."

I never had problems to tell people what I thought about them. Perhaps only a narrow circle would remain because of shameless honesty, but that's the way it is.

"You don't look like you're joking Zachary. And you should know me better than that I don't blame people for Love. I only have sex with guys for money, but I can also love someone, even if I..., you know wasn't paid for it."

I sighed, I obviously hurt his feelings. I could read it in his expression. But he didn't meet me in one of my best moods, so what should I do?

"I'm sorry Mike. I didn't want to be mean. Do you want to accompany me a bit? I'm walking back to Venice Beach to find my brother."

His expression lighted up and he smiled a little after that. Oh I was too good! I could continuously pat myself on the back.

We continued walking towards the beach. We silenced for a while but we were comfortable about it. It felt good to have at least some good friends like Mike and Scott who didn't think judging about Tay and me. It cheered my pissed mood up a little.

"Why did you leave the party that early? Shouldn't you come with Scott?"

Mike was the first one who spoke again.

"I don't know why the fuck he isn't there yet. He will surely join later. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, uhm... didn't you notice that he changed lately?"

"Changed? Scott Favor?"

He nodded.

"What do you mean, he changed?" I gave him a frown.

"Well, since he inherited his fathers money, poor rent boys doesn't exist for him anymore. The only company which he appreciates is with rich high society guys."

"Like that Trevor guy?"

"Yeah. I mean I don't know. There has been a time when he has been the world to me. But now he seemed not to know me anymore. When he invited me to the party, I was surprised. I thought there would be a chance for him and me to talk about good old times, about us and what we were for each other but I'm assuming he changed his mind..."

"I'm sorry to hear that Mike."

He just shrugged but I know him better than that his feelings for Scott wouldn't be unmeaningful for him. That he hid his tears from me showed me that we had became estranged of our friendship and it made me sad in a way.

I laid my arm around his shoulder.

"How about you? Are you lucky in your relationship?" He pulled me out of my trail of thoughts.

"Yeah. To be honest things couldn't be better... but..."

"But?"

"I'm thinking about to break up with my brother."

Had I really say it out loud? Yeah I had. It was indescribably strange and a unbearable thought to lose Taylor.

"Don't you love him anymore?"

"No, that's not the problem. It's because... I love him too much that I don't want to make a mess of his whole life..."

"Why do you think it is your fault?"

"Coz of my fault he experienced public blame as a child molester. We just got the chance to start a new music career again, I can't do that to him again."

"Zachary, it isn't your fault that the two of you are in Love together."

"Maybe. But I'm responsible for him now."

"Did you already talk with him about that?"

"No, I didn't yet. But I know that sooner or later I have to do what has to be done."

Mike sighed.

"I could start talking improvements on you about alternative lifestyles but I know that they wouldn't work with you."

"Yeah you're right about that."

"Let me at least wish you luck Zachary. All my best for the two of you. I have to turn around now, you know... work is calling me."

"Thanks Mike, you too. Will I see you again?"

"On the road maybe. Tell Scott that he can fuck his own ass when you see him."

"Will do. Goodbye Mike."

"You too Zachary. Whatever it takes, wherever you go just have a nice day."

His dreamy weirdness was kind of addicting.

Although I didn't know how to deal with it yet, I realized that the relationship with Taylor had changed me. I didn't care what other people think about me, but I didn't want Taylor to get laughed at. I wanted to be together with him, but I also cared and felt responsible for him, his life and his future.

Somehow, I felt like I had to protect him from being in Love with me. On the other hand, I didn't want our relationship to end already. I was fighting with myself about that the whole evening already.

My heart against my mind, will against reality...


I didn't know which would win yet... all I knew was that, I wanted to be with him, to love him one last time.

So I walked faster back to Venice Beach to go back to him.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

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December 2015

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