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autentica-mexican21 (2)23
Chapter: 57
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: Language, Death, Crime
POV: Blade
Chapter Overview: Link

About the Story:
After the death of their parents, Taylor and Zac went their own way in life. Taylor became a superstar and never thought his chosen profession would bring danger into his life. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contently in the dark and dirty world as a pimp. Unexpected circumstances bring them together after almost a decade apart. How will they overcome the shadows of the past and move forward?

Excerpt: "Is your life always this hard, or was that incident just an unfortunate accident?"
                "Always like this." I answered in a calm, low tone.

Special thanks: to itztigress3 for the great help!

Authors Notes: Update Chapter 57! Next Chapter in March. Enjoy

previous Chapter 56                                                                                                                                                                        next Chapter 58


"Don't do it Blade!" Santiago's threatening voice sounded in my ears. I knew in this moment that he didn't want me to pull the trigger but I couldn't allow that the guy killed him. I just couldn't.
The Russian looked at Santiago with no sign of regret in his eyes until the last seconds.

I raised my arm and aimed against the Russian's forehead.
"See ya in hell, bastard!" I proclaimed and pulled the trigger.



A frontal head shot into the forehead of the Russian killed him and his head fell back with his last breath. The shot was loud, so loud that I was sure that Taylor must have heard it. Even though Santiago and I were used to this noise, it sounded louder than I remembered. The last time I shot a man was at least a year and a half ago.

I had killed a man in self defense. Although I probably couldn't really consider it self-defense because his last act was his plans to shoot Santiago.

Silently, I stood there for a while and stared down at his dead body.

I couldn't say if it was right or wrong what I had done, I just didn't want my best friend to get killed though. Animals like me act instinctively...

But the worst thing for me was that I couldn't even say that I felt anything. It felt like I was already dead, my body was here only to get some unfinished tasks done. I just felt numb and it was horrible.

"You killed him." Santiago was on his feet again and came to me with his crutches.


"Yes Red." I wasn't even aware that I called him by his code name which he actually never wanted to hear again, not since his accident. It was a habit that I was too lazy to break.

This murder just loaded even more guilt on a soul that already carried so much. The consequences for his deed were unknown.
‘Cause I was in the war again in which every battle could be the last and I don’t think I was winning anymore.

Maybe I should lie there on the floor... would my debt be settled then?

"Give me the damn pistol!" Santiago took my gun out of my hand before I could answer him. He went to one of the glass cabinets, took another pistol out of it and then took a small cardboard box with cartridges out of a hidden drawer and handed both to me.

"Now clear out! The cops will be here any moment!" He tossed my back pack in my direction.


"I will tell them that I did it. You have to protect your brother. Scram!" He took a cloth and began to wipe away my fingerprints from my old pistol.

"Red... I can't do that..."

He turned around to me and gave me a serious look. "You can do anything Blade. You'll see." Santiago believed in me. He always had. No one could ever cut our strong friendship bond.

"And now piss off soldier, didn't you listen to me?! Go and protect Taylor! If something happens to him, I’ll rip your balls off." He shouted at me now very angrily. I told him with my eyes that I understood. I couldn't disappoint him.

But I knew that once the cops were here and they interrogated him, they will snoop around and for sure they will search his bar thoroughly. They would want to know what the argument was about and if they found the cocaine, he would go to jail, even if they believed he killed him in self defense.

There was no time to consider it. The cops would be here any moment.

I had saved Santiago, but because he wanted to take the responsibility for my deed I felt more hatred toward myself. I didn't want to run away. I wanted to turn myself to the police and atone for my offence but Taylor was waiting for me outside in my car and he needed my protection.


I could do only one thing in return for Santiago in this moment and that might help him if I was lucky.

Without a request I went to the overthrown table and opened the drawer on the side, the silver metal box was sitting inside; the box contained the drugs that he sold.

I took the box out of it and stored it quickly away in my back pack. Santiago sat silently on the floor in front of the guy that I had shot, my gun in his hand, staring blankly into space.

I put on my back pack, then went over to him and laid my hand on his shoulder but I didn't say anything.

We didn't need words to speak how we felt at that moment.
It doesn't matter how it looks to other people. If it is something you gotta do, then you do it. Soldier's fight.

"I'm going to take the drugs with me so that the cops won't find it," I eventually said. He didn't reply, I didn't know what he thought. He probably imagined that I had the urge to take some cocaine. But it was neither the time nor the right moment to think about it. Taking the drugs with me was a chance to spare him jail time.

When I turned away and hurried towards the exit I felt like a fucking coward.

Nathaniel was still hidden behind the bar. He had to hold Bandito tightly because he wanted to follow me as I hurried out of the bar. I could already hear the police sirens in the distance. Quickly, I ran to my car, unlocking the door shortly before I reached it. I snatched the door open, threw my back pack in the backseat, despite the two extra pounds or so of cocaine and got in the seat.

Within a few seconds I started the engine, pushed the pedal to the ground and steered the car as fast as possible into the business traffic.

"Are you okay Taylor?" I gasped, my hands were sweaty. My chin and shirt were soaked in blood but I neither had the time nor the interest in caring about myself.

The injuries weren't that bad, so I wouldn't need the hospital. I knew my body and where my limits were. Taylor looked distraught when I looked at him though. He had put the necklace with my dog tags on it around his neck; his pale fingers were clasping the silver metal.

"No the fuck I'm not okay! I feel like I have died a thousand deaths since I heard the shot inside. Are you hurt?" His voice was panicky and frightened.

"I'm okay," I said to reassure him. I’m the bodyguard. It's my job to be fine, right?

Taylor shook his head. He knew I was far from fine.

"No you are not okay, you look horrible. What happened? Where did all the blood come from?" Taylor was going mad and hysterical when I tried to down play my injuries. I didn't want to cause him to worry but it didn't work. He took his bag, rummaged in it and pulled some handkerchiefs out of it.

We exchanged glances and I could read in his expression that he didn't agree with what was going on.
Taylor took my chin in his hand and began to wipe away the blood as if I was a child that just got hurt in an accident. When he did that my eyes landed on the rearview mirror because Taylor was holding my chin in that direction.

As I saw my reflection
I could see the hate, disgust and pure sadness in my eyes.


All I saw was a confused, depressed stranger who lost his sense of purpose. I averted my eyes quickly back to the road, because I couldn't bear my own reflection.

What doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally...

"The guy is dead. I shot him." I said. I never liked having secrets. Besides that, the traces of the incident were clearly visible on my chin, my arm and the lost tooth in my mouth, so there was no point in lying anyway. Taylor would have heard that the guy was killed in a shoot-out by the newscast earlier or later anyway.

"You WHAT? Are you crazy?" Taylor let go off my chin and stared at me totally taken aback.


"He would have killed Santiago, if I had not done it."

"Are he and Bandito okay?"

"Yeah. No one else is hurt."

"What now?"

"Santiago will clarify everything with the police. He will tell them that he done it and that it was an act of self defense."

"That is not right Zac. You can't walk around and shoot other people!
We are not in the wild west!" He exclaimed and glared at me like I was a serial killer.


Mine and Taylor's relationship was weird sometimes. At first, I had to do my job and then I was reprimanded by my older brother afterwards for what I had done. Why is everything I do wrong?

Anyway! The fact that Taylor didn't like what I had done was one of the smallest problems at the moment. My thoughts were still with Santiago and what would happen to him. It was unclear if they would believe him and it was also not clear if they would find any finger prints from me. It didn't matter what happened to me as long as I knew that Santiago and Taylor survived.

"Should I have simply watched as the guy killed Santiago and do absolutely nothing?!? Man's got a right to protect his friend and his life, and I ain't lettin' no drug dealer take it. Do you think I went to the Army to play minigolf? I killed 30 men and countless savages and it still ain't got me no wanted poster."

"Your sarcasm is not appreciated in a moment like this Zachary!"

"Neither is your lack of comprehension! If you had known a better solution Mr. know it all, then why don't you to tell what you would have done?"

"I'm sorry... I don't know." He looked flustered because apparently my question came upon him unexpectedly.

"Don't you feel sorry for what you have done? How do you endure it?" He spoke now with more carefulness.

"Ain't nothing that brings peace." I said in my usual straight tone without looking at him. I had no idea what Taylor would think of me after he came to know what a unfeeling, cold asshole I had become, but I just couldn't bring myself to lie to him. If you lead a rough life like mine, you just have to get used to worse things like fighting, killing and dying.

Still, I felt like a piece of shit. Taylor had no idea how much I hated myself. But after he poured out his soul to me about his feeling of shame, it was only fair that I also confessed honestly how I felt. No matter what he thought of me afterwards.

"Do you think it's right what you have done?" Taylor sounded sincere and worried about me.

"I honestly gave up thinking about it." I answered in the same tone. Meanwhile, the police sirens were out of earshot and I steered us onto the highway to Pasadena.

There was a a few minutes of silence between us until Taylor asked me a question.

"Is your life always this hard Zac, or was that incident just an unfortunate accident?" He asked softly and looked at me, his upset look told me that he was unable to relate to me. But at least he tried and that's what mattered.

"Always like this." I answered in a calm, raspy tone. As I looked at him I noticed that Taylor's lower lip was quivering and his eyes looked a little red.

"Have you cried?" I asked straightaway.

"Just a little. Sorry. I always tend to be a little emotional..." Taylor batted his eyelashes with an upset, child-like look as he bowed his head down a bit and I pondered if I already told him more than he could deal with. Still, it didn't feel right to me to lie to him. We couldn't help each other if we kept everything to ourselves.

"It's alright Taylor. You know that I don't mind your sensitivity."

"Please talk to me now Zac!" Taylor quickly changed the subject and looked at me demanding, waiting for me to talk. My cheek began to throb and the cut on my arm burned a little. Soldiers learn to stay calm, partly indifferent, detached and emotionless during fights. The awareness of the pain usually comes later.

Now, that I wasn't running on adrenaline anymore because we had left the bar far behind us, I began to feel the physical pains but that was only a drop in the bucket compared to what I really deserved.

"What do you want to hear?"

"I need to know why you are so indifferent about yourself."

It was new to me that someone cared about what was going on with me. Santiago and I usually preferred to keep personal subjects like these to ourselves, all the more since the accident with his leg. I guess both of us thought that we had to deal with our feelings alone. We were both not big talkers when it came to things like that. Usually, I kept it all inside because I rather let the pain destroy me than someone from my family.

Taylor was different though. Apparently, not telling him what was going on would not be satisfying him and even though I didn't know how to explain it I appreciated his concern. No, I couldn't be mad with him for reprimanding me. Knowing someone cares is better than no one showing any concern at all.

"You have seen that Santiago has only one leg?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"He had an accident. It... it was my fault that he lost his leg."

When I felt a lump in my throat I took my sunglasses from the dashboard and put them on. Even though I could keep my feelings under control, I didn't want anyone to see the pain in my eyes that still felt like an open wound. A wound that hurt so much more than any physical pains that the Russian dealer caused to me.

"Is Santiago the reason you became my bodyguard?"

"Basically yes."

Taylor was an intelligent guy. He had put the pieces together without needing many explanations. Carefully, he laid his hand above mine after my confession and gently stroked my fingers.


"Will you tell me what happened when you are ready for it Zachary?" he asked with his gentle voice. My brother had more empathy than I had expected. He was right that I was anything but in the mood to talk about Santiago's accident right now. I just shot a man dead and even though he wasn't the first one, to kill someone is always something that does not leave you untouched. I can physically feel it. It has an effect on my whole body.

"I promise I will."

If I wanted to or not, I had to push the incident to the back of my mind and to focus on the present, to protect Taylor which was not only my job, it was also the most important thing to me.

I couldn't look back. The present demanded my full attention. I had to think about who might be Taylor's stalker. The only thing that the police and I knew was that the person was a guy.

Behind gate number one we have Taylor's cop friend with the dumb name who didn't like me. Granted, he didn't get the best impression from me, but his behavior showed that Taylor mattered to him. This could be good or bad.

Gate number two was Skye who doted on me and stuck to the sole of my shoes like dog shit. Still, I had come to know him, unfortunately. He was in the house the night I burned my old belongings, but when the stalker hurt Bandito yesterday, Taylor had been with him and the cop.

If I was naive, I probably wouldn't believe that their behavior had a deeper meaning but I didn't trust anyone except Santiago, so basically to me everybody is suspicious.

Then there was Detective Touchy who was too lazy to come and examine the blood note on the floor but was nice to me even though he didn't know me which was weird for me. Usually a detective does not leave notes this way though.

It was also possible that I had met the stalker, for example the aggressive paparazzi from the barber's shop, or perhaps it was someone from Taylor's past whom I didn't know and haven't met. Within the last nine years, he's surely talked to or come in contact with countless people anyone of which could be his stalker.

"Taylor, now that we are on the way back I find it important to talk about your stalker. Did you recently become friends with anyone lately or did any strange occurrence happen before me met?"

"No, I already told the police that there is no one who comes into question for that. Of course I became friends with lots of people within the last years, people with whom I worked on my albums or wrote songs. But I can't imagine that one of them is capable of doing something like that. I hope that the surveillance video was useful for the police, I want them to catch that criminal who did that."

Taylor sounded angry and determined when he ended. It was good that he found his purposefulness back; the lack of food had weakened him so much that in the end he didn't even have the strength to walk anymore and vegetated beside me like a fragile porcelain doll.

"I hope so too Taylor," I replied and squeezed his hand firmly in mine.

previous Chapter 56                                                                                                                                                                        next Chapter 58

Date: 2015-02-28 03:34 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I feel so bad for Zac, his depressive state is really hard. Taylor is exactly the brother he needs! Hopefully they will stay together. I'm glad for Taylor that he feels better.

Great Chapter as always! ❤❤❤

Date: 2015-09-14 12:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
My impression of this Chapter is very different. Zac is suffering so much and instead of helping him Taylor pushes him even deeper into his misery, he blames and reproaches him as if he had done something wrong.

Bad move Taylor. Poor, poor Zac...
Edited Date: 2015-09-19 07:05 pm (UTC)


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December 2015


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