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Chapter: 46
Rating: Nc-17
Warnings: Language, Death, Crime
Chapter Overview: Link

About the Story: The death of their parents broke Taylor and Zac apart. Each of them went his own way of life, Taylor became a famous superstar and never thought that his profession would bring his life in danger someday. Blade (Zac) buried the past and lived his life contentedly in his dark and dirty world as a pimp. Because of some unexpected circumstances Blade got hired as Taylor's bodyguard and the brothers saw each other for the first time after almost a decade.
How will they overcome the shadows of the past?

Authors Notes: Last Chapter from Taylor's POV. Chapter 47 will be updated in the following weeks. Enjoy ♡

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My heart nearly leapt out of my chest as I stepped out of the salon. The volume of the screamings around me was indescribable. Have I mentioned that my fans even held an unbroken record for being the loudest fans in history? Well, I was experiencing it at first hand once again. I could tell that those loud screamings pierced arrow and bone, my heart was
starting to beat harder and faster. My whole body was trembling but I tried to ignore it and forced myself to go out to find Zachary.

I immediately was surrounded by ca. hundred or more fans who were screaming my name in hysteria, that they love me... all kinds of public display of affection. Most of them were taking pictures of me and held things in my direction that I should sign.

But how could I sign their stuff if I wasn't even able to finish writing my diary entry?!

I felt pressured as they surrounded me closer in no time.

I looked over to the street where the line of the crowd ended for Blade but I got surprised.


Even though only a few seconds have been passed since I watched the scene from the inner window pane, he already had the situation under control. He was quick in his reaction, he reached up to his opponents face, pushed his thumb under his nose pushing upward. In an instant, the guy’s arm around his neck loosened, and that’s when Blade bended a little and quickly flipped the guy in his back who bent in pain and moved away from him after that.

I, myself was dumb struck to what I saw. I was wrong... he didn't even need my help.

The people that were standing around him which looked upset about the scene at first, suddenly looked surprised at my brother. He didn't place value on it though, he turned away from them without caring about their glances and whispering.


He just left them standing there and began to push his way through the crowd without further discussion with them. Zac didn't lie, he really still didn't care about public attention. He didn't respond their surprised looks for self-affirmation about what he'd done. You've got to hand it to him.

It was this one trait of him which made Zac stronger than me, not only physically but also emotionally. Zachary never cared of what people thought about him. I did.

He wouldn't still clown around nowadays like no one's watching otherwise. I'm convinced he would have got out of that habit more than a decade ago in that case.

And I think that's the main difference between the two of us.

It never mattered to me how tough Zac was though. His security was what mattered to me.

That's why I couldn't share the confusion from the people about what he did, because the incident began to make me wonder about a thing...

Why was Zac so careless and indifferent about his own life? He acted like his life wasn't worth anything, almost like he didn't deserve a life...

As if he was punishing himself for something I didn't know...

I wondered what changed him that he had become to this.

A deep sigh of relief breathed out of me that he was okay when the ugly scene was over. I wanted to go over to him and try to come to meet him but the pushy crowd didn't let me move one single meter forward.

Instead, everyone's attention was now back on me. I suddenly felt hands from fanatic, overzealous fans everywhere on me. They began to touch my hair, my back, even my butt. I was caught in the middle of those screaming girls around me. I was dazzled by their flashlights from all sides.


"Taylor, Taylor, oh my god Taylor!! It's really him!!!"

"Oh Taylor, I love you. Can you take a picture with me? Please! Oh my god, you're so beautiful!"

"Taylor, are you feeling better? Please Taylor, can you sign this?"

Their voices didn't stop screaming my name and I suddenly felt my helplessness in its entirety. I became unsteady on my feet and realized I didn't have the strength to get out of them. I was unable to do anything. Panic overwhelmed me. I got dizzy and couldn't listen to anyone anymore. My vision became blurry and chaotic.

Wherever I was,
I had this overall feeling of needing to escape. If I didn't escape, I was sure I would faint. I would start shaking, sweating and twitching, sort of. I needed to move. If I stayed still, I thought I was going to die.

As I was caught in the middle of them, I got this feeling. I felt the urge to move, but I couldn't.
My knees were shaking, my nerves were all cracking, because of the chaotic scene around me.


I didn't want it to happen, I tried to regain my composure and fought to stop it, but before I even had the chance to analyze what was happening, I felt my knees giving up.

It seemed ridiculous to think that I had to shout for help after my little brother, but I suddenly knew there was no other option left. I had followed my heart to go outside to look if anything happened to Zachary, but I ended up getting pressed. I wanted to help my younger brother, unfortunately it turned the other way around.

Despite my panic, I still didn't know how I could bring myself to actually do it though. To think about it was one thing, but to experience a scene like that in point of fact was much more humiliating than I could have ever imagined.

I was in public. Sure, none of them knew who Blade was, but I knew it and that was enough for me to know.

We didn't have a possibility to make eye contact, because a split of a second before he turned in my direction
I already was falling down on my knees... like in slow motion, fully conscious but unable to stop what was happening...

The hysteria of the inner circle from the crowd stopped for a short moment, but it didn't last long until they began to shout and to touch me again in a frenzied chaos.

"Taylor, oh my god poor Taylor! Why don't people stop touching him? He just fell down!"

"What's going on with Taylor? Has he collapsed?"

I tried not to listen anymore to their voices which were talking all at once. I brought my knees up to my chest in an effort to protect myself. One of my hands instinctively reached for the small wood cross around my neck.

Oh god help me please!

I already realized that it was a big mistake to go out alone and not wait for Blade to come back. I just wasn't used to have a bodyguard who also was my little brother and should protect me, instead of the contrary. I wanted to help him, but the truth was, I was the one being dependant from his help.

At this moment, while I was surrounded by the enthusiastic noises and pushes they made, my unsettled mind suddenly drifted to the past and I saw
a vision of a boy who bullied me a child. Billy Mahoney. It was a childhood memory of me and my brother. The time when we were young.

Zac always had to beat on things. If he wouldn't have joined the Army, he probably would have become an amazing drummer... I always felt like my little brother had inherited the same musical talents I've been blessed with... but that's apart from the subject.

There was that one time when we were kids. Zac was nine and I just turned twelve years old. Billy must have been circa eleven at that time. During my puberty years, I was frequently mistaken of being a girl and that Billy boy from our neighborhood in Tulsa sometimes teased me because of that. Billy was a rude kid to say the least. He teased everyone whenever he got an opportunity. He called Zachary a little cookie monster and and I got some mean teasing because of my girly look. I've always been the gentle girly brother and Zac the rude little animal.

One day Zachary heard when Billy teased me and immediately came at him and beat him up. When our parents scolded Zac for what he did, he told them that "that Mahoney bastard talked bad about our family!" in his defence.

I never considered violence as the right way to settle things. However, from then on, Billy left me alone. I remember that I felt a little ashamed because of that, even though I was glad that Billy Mahoney stopped bullying me after that.

All I could think of that time was that, my nine year old brother had beaten somebody up in my name.

We ended up not talking to each other for three full days and I remember that Zachary was offended about my behaviour. I couldn't really feel thankful to him because it was embarrassing for me.

Later I told him that he acted like a Neanderthal in my hurt pride and he called me an ungrateful Girlie in return because I never thanked him.

It wasn't an extraordinary experience. Only a few days later we were getting along again and didn't talk about it anymore. Many years have been passed since then, but I still could remember it like it was yesterday.

How weird that I had to think about this memory now, for the first time again after so many years...

Back then, I felt ashamed and now I felt exactly the same. This time was different though. Much more embarrassing than that random childhood experience.

Meanwhile, we're both grown up men and I couldn't handle things with the same ease and insouciance like when I was a child and things were not that complicated like they're nowadays. Back then... when Zachary's and my responsibilities were much lighter and smaller. But even at that time he looked out for me like it was his duty...


At my current age, I was expected to be able to take care of myself. Sure, my life situation left me no choice than to have a bodyguard, but I never expected my little brother to do that job for me. Probably no one would.

Which older brother wouldn't feel uncomfortable with that? I don't know anyone who is in a comparable situation like I am...

I just couldn't shout for help after my little brother! Although I was desperate for help at the same time.

How the hell should I overcome my sense of shame? Why couldn't I just disappear instead of having to do this? How could I run away from myself?

I just couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't... Fuck!

What shall I do?

I wouldn't have felt less embarrassed if I was stuck in that wild crowd completely naked. The arguments in my head got so fast and disturbing that my brain shut down my body. I felt claustrophobic and couldn't cope any longer with the thoughts and feelings in my head and in my body. Gaspingly, I closed my eyes, wishing myself to another place.

Why wouldn't the world just go down with me and this embarrassing situation?


How much do I have to go through until giving up is okay...?

I knew that my overzealous fans might trample me to death if I wouldn't show any reaction soon. I was already wasting time...

At this point, I didn't even know anymore why I still held onto my pride. The pushing around me became worse with every moment and I absolutely didn't want to die there.
There was no shielding barrier between me and my fans, no stage pit, no other securities, no possibilities. All I could do was to shout for help to my little brother, no matter how pathetic it was. I drew my knees up closer under my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs.

Okay Taylor, breathe in and then breathe out. Inhale, exhale.

There was nothing I could do about this entire situation.
As some loony girl suddenly ripped a strand of my hair out my panic finally prevailed.

In the end I knew that I had no choice, but to jump over my shame...

Tears gathered in my eyes as I raised my head towards the sky to cry out the most ashaming plea of my life.

"BLADE! Where are you?" I cried out helplessly. My voice shouted for Blade and my heart for Zachary. Internally, I knew that I just lost the last bit of pride I still had.
I had no pride anymore. I was completely broken. All I could do was to shout for help for my little brother to rescue me, no matter how pathetic it was.

Unfortunately, my cry for help was too weak that it was engulfed by the loud screaming around me in an instant. I couldn't even here my own hoarsed voice, but I didn't know what else I could do.

My body was shaking and trembling. I wanted to get away from there
. Nothing else mattered. My heart was racing, my chest was pounding. I couldn’t catch my breath. My heart felt like it's going to explode.

"Blade! Please come and help me! I need you." I tearfully whined. I've never felt like so pathetic like in this very moment, when I sat there somewhere in the middle of a massive fan crowd, shaking and crying for my little brother. I was so embarrassed, desperate, helpless and anxious at the same time. This feeling of not getting any help, when I've already come this far and asked for it which took a lot of effort for me to do was devastating. I couldn't see that my brother already had seen the wild throng that surrounded me and was pushing his way towards me.

My last cry was more a sob of desperation than a shout for help. I felt so pathetic. But I couldn't be considerate of my pride anymore. I needed help. I needed my little brother, my bodyguard.

I just sat there alone and helplessly on the ground, pressed my hands on my ears to block out the hysterical screamings around me. I was reckoning I'd faint any moment.
I could see but the world was not like it should be. Like everything I saw had peeled itself away from reality and now existed in a sort of fantasy world. I couldn't move anymore.

Though I desperately wished to flee, I found myself helplessly frozen. There was no escape. I felt lightheaded and I thought I might die right there on the spot.

The only thing I could do was to hope that Zachary would find me among them, he was the only one who could help me out of here.

Otherwise, I was sure of that, my last hour has come.

video inspiration for this Chapter:

Taylor Hanson - bed of roses

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